Josie is in Doggy Heaven.

Josie

Age 12, ~1998 - July 05, 2010

My little baby, My Soulmate. I can't imagine my life without you.

Nickname: StinkStuff, Baby, Precious, Beautiful, Sweet Pea,

Dear Josie:

It has been two days since you passed and I am unable to believe that you are not with me anymore.

Three days and I don't feel better.
Last night, before bedtime, I started to walk to your bed so that I could sit with you like we do every night and you were not there. I miss how you would lean your head into my arm and I would kiss you and look in to your eyes while you look at me as if to say that you hurt whenever I am not with you. Every day that passes makes me feel as if I am further away from you. I don't want this hurt to go away because it is all I have to show you how much you mean to me. I cannot breathe when I come home. I don't have you there to greet me every time that I walk in the door. I am claustrophobic. I waited 32 years for you, how much longer to be with you again? My precious beautiful. I miss your face and the smell of your cheeks and toes. I miss you giving me your hugs and the sound of your nails clicking on the floor. I miss your 'wooo-wooos'. I miss the sound of your bowl moving around when you eat. I miss you poking your head into the shower when I was inside. I miss you watching me when I would get ready, following me from room to room just so that I would be in your line of vision at all times. I miss watching you trying to play with cows and horses when we would go for our walks and hikes. I miss seeing the look on your face when little dogs would attack you and you would just stand there and look at me. I miss having your fur fall from my clothing into my food and drinks and having to vacuum every day. I haven't cleaned the floors since you left because I don't want to lose what little I have left of you. I miss the jingle of your collar when we would go for walks. I miss your wiggling body when you were excited because you would wag your tail so much. I miss the bump on your right elbow.

6 days since you left me. I have been gone to Grandma's house for a few days. I hoped that the new environment would help me. I did have some time to just sit and think of you. Everyone misses you but no one could miss you nearly as much as I do. I miss hearing your leash clink against the closet door when i would open or close it. I miss you moving around your food bowl while you ate when I would walk past you so that you wouldn't be in my way. You were always so sensitive to me and my needs. I never had to yell at you, never had to tell you 'No'. The grass is still smashed down in the backyard where you were laying down because you didn't feel good, on your last night alive. Why didn't I take you to the doctor then? Why didn't I believe that you were really sick and not just another bout of the gas? I think of this over and over and I shortened your time.

7 days and I still can't believe it. I saw your hair on the floor today. I attended the candle lighting ceremony for people who have lost a pet. Our home is so empty without you. Whenever I close a door, it echos throughout because you are not there. Do you think about us? Are you happy? I hold your things every day and I can still smell you on them. I smell your bed and your toys and I still have your shiny, black hair on them. Why did you have to leave me? I'm so sorry that I didn't take you on your walks and hikes the last year of your life. Your body was hurting and I know you weren't having as much fun anymore. You loved to hike, run, swim, boat, snowmobile. I hope you were happy with your family.

8 days now. I just picked up your paw print. I am waiting for you. I had to decorate your box. Alexa saw all of your hair in her car and she is so sad. We are having such a hard time saying 'goodbye' to you my baby stinkstuff. What are you doing right now as I sit here and write to you? I hope that you are running around, arthritis-free. Do you still have your white chin hair? I just miss you so much. I found more pictures of you and it helps me a little bit every day. I wish that I could have you here with me, even just for one more day so that we could just do anything.

9 days and I am sitting here at the stupid computer, working a couple of extra hours per evening. I feel so crappy because I had been taking several hours per day away from you that should have been spent with you. Even though you couldn't go for long walks anymore, I should have paid more attention to you. I'm so angry at myself because now it's too late. I keep remembering all of the time spent not paying attention to you even though I knew I should spend more time with you because I knew deep down that you wouldn't be with us much longer. I hope you know that we stopped going places that we couldn't take you because I didn't want to leave you with anyone else but me and Misha. I didn't even trust the kids to take care of you for any length of time. Do you remember Antelope island? You wanted to play with the Buffalo. I've been looking through your pictures. You are so beautiful.

I can't believe still now that you are gone and it's been 10 days. I really don't like to come home anymore. I miss you so much little sweetpea. I found more pictures of you and that made me happy. I drove by Memory Grove and City Creek Canyon and thought of how much you loved to run through the river and how we would carefully walk along side the canyon wall and then run down to the river again. Do you remember that? Your paw prints are still by the back door from when you last came inside. I think you were sick already. I haven't wiped them but I know that they soon too will be gone. I try to keep myself busy but it's so hard because I don't want to be anywhere but at home where you spent most of your life. I can still smell your bed next to mine. I wish you were here.

11 days, Alexa, Xaria and I were remembering you and we are so sad. We don't want to clean our floors because we don't want to lose your hair. The flowers that the doctor sent to me are dying, and you've been gone longer than that. My shoulders are peeling from the sunburn that I got 3 days before you died. I think that I will move my pc upstairs next to the back door where you used to spend alot of your days, enjoying the view outside. I will be able to look out back where you loved to just lay on the grass. Misha and I just got back from a walk and we were walking by Xaria's school, Misha said that you almost got into a fight there because a brown dog was coming towards you (maybe you were near his territory) but that you just didn't care, you just minded your own business because you were with your family and just kept walking. Just like you my little sweet pie. Always such a sweet baby. I have been sorting out all of your photos that we've taken over the years. I am unable to find the one photo from 2003 of you on the boat as you rested your head on the side, you seem to be contemplating something. The sun was setting and you looked so calm and content. You were just about 5 years old then. You had just come into my life one year before that photo. I remember how scared of the water you used to be. You didn't like dirt or grass. But through the next couple of years, you started to not be so scared of the water.

12 days ago you left us. I moved my pc upstairs so that while I am working, I can look out the window and see where you would lie in the shade just enjoying the nature because you could no longer go on the walks and hikes because your body was hurting. I somehow feel a little closer to you. Misha and I had an argument today because he thinks that I am getting worse as time goes by but I think maybe just now I am letting my sadness and anger out.
I just woke up from a nap. I fell asleep thinking about you. I took a nap yesterday, too. When I woke up from it, I wasn't sure if I had dreamt of you. I have been trying to remember, it seems as if you keep just out of reach.

13 days now, I woke up this morning thinking/dreaming of you jumping up for a treat. I knew you weren't able to do this for years because of your back and leg arthritis. Then I was sad because you weren't here. I vacuumed yesterday, I hope that you are not mad because I feel I've done a disloyalty to you but the main floor was getting a bit dusty. I'm still upset because of the argument I had yesterday...I just miss you so much. I just came in from a fire outside that had started in the bushes next door. All I could think was that I'm glad that you weren't inhaling that smoke and weren't outside then I remembered...

2 weeks now without you. I just got home from work and I feel terrible because it's so late. I am so used to hurrying as fast as possible to get you outside, just habit, even though we'd never leave you alone that long. It's dark outside right now and I wish that you were here with me. I miss how we used to just lay down next to each other and I'd just hug you. Do you remember when you used to like getting up on the bed? Before your legs started to bother you? I was talking to Tara yesterday about the first time that I saw you. It was love at first sight. I asked Louise where you came from because you were my dream dog! She said that as a matter of fact, she was just fostering you and was I interested in adopting you? I didn't even take one second to decide, I just said 'yes' as quickly as I could. We went for our first walk around the block, about halfway, you collapsed. You were so out of shape and weak, I was frantic because I didn't know how I would carry your 140 lbs back home to get you to the doctor. But you got up after a little rest and off we went. You were such a trooper, as always. I always felt safe having you 'walk' the girls. They were so proud to be walking around with you. Everywhere we went, everywhere, everyone would comment about you being a horse and how beautiful you were. Do you remember how I had taken you to various vets to try to find out what your lineage was? I wanted to know because I could only imagine what you must have been like as a puppy. I feel that someone else stole your young years from me even before I had a chance to have them. I could only imagine what you must have been like. So calm and mellow. You must have been the perfect baby because you were my perfect baby and I couldn't imagine it being any other way.

15 days. I just got home and am looking out the window thinking of you. Oh guess what? I found that photo that I was looking for, the one with you on the boat! My day just got a little bright spot in it! It was my very first picture of you! The sun is starting to set and this is when my time without you becomes hardest. It's so quiet not hearing you around me. I still haven't had a dream about you, just images of you when I wake up or fall asleep. Even though I am very busy during the day, your memory keeps going around and around in my head. When I stop thinking of things then my pain is so vivid.

16 days so far, I keep plugging along. I just got home from work and there is still some sunlight outside so I can at least look out to your favorite relaxation spot. Today was a difficult day. Maybe the shock of you leaving is starting to go away and underlying sadness is coming forward. Uncle Sean came over last night and remarked on your pink paw print and how big it was. Your paw looks beautiful and it's just perfect just like you. I still haven't received you back from the doctor. It will be hard to finally take you home. It's dark outside now, almost the time that you would be waiting for me at the top of the stairs while I brushed my teeth. You always made sure that I was really coming with you for bed time. Always so sweet and loyal. We haven't vacuumed the top stairs yet because there are still little shiny black hair from you on them.

17 Days, it is thursday July 22, 2010. I just picked you up from the doctors. Your box is engraved: Josie 'Baby Stink Stuff'. I can't believe that you are in the box. Next to your paw print. The last day off before a holiday was the day that you got really sick. The grass has been mowed short on your favorite lounging spot. I was so nervous and happy when I was waiting for you. When the assistant was bringing you to me, 2 yellow labs came running out, so happy and barking. I started to laugh then I started to cry. There were 4 other people picking their dogs up from doggy daycare. I was wishing that I was picking you up while you were alive. I felt terrible. I'm sorry that my thoughts are so fragmented but right now that is how my mind works. Stop go stop go.

18 days now. I went out to lunch with Thi-ly. Few of her friends came and wanted to go party a bit but I just wanted to come home. Your little box is so pretty and girly, just like you.

19 days since. I fell asleep last yesterday while reading a book. I slept pretty good though.
Oh, baby baby, I've been trying to get out and keep a bit busy just so that I can try to move on. I feel guilty doing this but I think it might help? It's upsetting to know that I will never to on our long drives with your head sticking out next to mine watching the scenery go by. We will never go wading through water together again, you will never have to pull me up the hill because I couldn't get out of the river banks. It's strange but I think underneath my hurt, I might find some solace with your ashes? I'm not sure though.

20 days, just 1 day away from 3 weeks. I've been dreading it. Josie, I had a dream sometime during the night that you were walking up the stairs next to me. You were younger and didn't have problems getting up the stairs. In my dream, I somehow knew that I was dreaming. I was a little surprised in my dream but not that surprised. I didn't remember that I had the dream until I was walking up the stairs and all of a sudden it hit me that you were NOT with me. I had expected you to be right next to me on the second flight of stairs almost to the top I realized that you were not next to me and my breath was sucked out of my lungs. The memories came back all too sudden, that you were not with me and then I remembered the dream. the realization shocked me awake so that I had to hurry and write this down before I forgot. I always forget my dreams. I wake up and try to force myself to remember them but I never can. My heart is aching so much right now and my stomach is in knots. I just woke up from a nap. It seems that is all I've been doing now, sleeping. Pumpkin, when I was reading a book right before I fell asleep for a nap, I got such a strong, strong smell of you. I couldn't believe how I could smell you, as if I was hugging you and could smell your bed! It lasted for about 10 minutes, then it was gone!

Hi Pumpkin, it's been 21 days now, 3 weeks. It is raining and gloomy outside. It must be because I miss you so much and it makes me sad. The wind is really starting to blow. Do you remember that time that we were ice fishing and it was so cold and snowy? The girls were little. We were huddled next to the big sled because we didn't have our ice hut? You were keeping the girls warm. I think you were really cold but you didn't show it. You just loved to go snowmobiling. Baby, I just got done wiping the hardwood floors. I'm so sorry, I had to wipe up your footprints that you had left the last night that you were here. I feel so sad because I kept them for as long as possible but the floor had to be cleaned. There wasn't any of your beautiful shiny black hair on the floor because I had vacuumed last week. Little by little, the little reminders of you that I had are disappearing. I still haven't vacuumed the stairs yet. None of us want to because of your hairs that are sticking to the carpet.

22 days has gone by baby stink stuff. Can you believe it? I can't. I just got home from having some of your pictures printed. They are so beautiful. I will send one to the vet with a note. I wanted them to know what you looked like in your element in a pool of water at Tanner dog park. I remember when Misha took that picture with his new camera and you were the star! My precious Pumpkin, I miss you so much. I have those photos sitting right in front of me so that I can look at them whenever I am working from home. You aren't around to finish the last bite of my sandwiches!

23 days and as I was driving to work this morning, I realized that this is by far the longest amount of time that you and I have ever spent away from eachother, including when I went to Europe a few years ago. The longest we've been apart has been 14 days. It just made me sick. I sit on the back porch and look around the yard at your favorite spots to relax. I think of how that grass was alive when you were still alive and soon the grass that was alive at the same time as you will be gone. Everything revolves around before and after you. This afternoon, I ate the last piece of chocolates that Thily got for me before you died. She didn't think I should eat them but it was too late, I ate it. I just finished holding your box and giving you a kiss. I can't smell you on the box because the wood has it's own scent. I still can't bring myself to put the little lock on the box because I feel as if I am locking you away from my heart.

24 days now. I just barely came home from dinner with Stacy. We had coffee and pizza and just were relaxing. I showed Thily and Jason your pictures, they thought you are so pretty. Do you remember that time when the kids were riding the huge sled down the hill and almost ended going over the side into the valley? You ran toward them because you knew that something was wrong and you were trying to stop their sled and together we stopped them just in time.
Oh Pumpkin Pie, I'm always so stressed out now. I'm so short tempered nowadays. You helped me relax just by looking at you. Your pretty eyes and soft ears and saltine cracker smelling feet. My mind just races since you've been gone.

25 days. I just got home from work baby girl. I won't have a lot of time today to write to you because I need to get ready and go see a friends husbands' band play. Maybe it will be good to go out sometimes. I've been trying, it helps temporarily but then same thing when I'm not doing anything. How are you today? I've been reading so many books on the souls of dogs and their afterlife. I hope they are true. If you can, can you give me some signs?

26 days, I'm dreading when it will have been 1 month. I just feel as if you are going farther and farther away from me. I miss you so much, it still isn't getting any better. Will I see you again? Misha explained to me that he feels you have moved on to start your new life, I just don't know what I believe. You know how I am. I woke up this morning at about 05:00 and I could smell you so strongly and I didn't want to fall back asleep because I was so heartbroken. I can't believe that I am unable to move on, I know it isn't healthy but I am unable to.

27 days. Uncle Sean came over last night and we talked for a while. He has always been more receptive towards otherworldly things and I told him how I smell you strongly at times. He feels this is because you are visiting me. Could this be true? I only had the one dream with you in it and it was only for a few seconds, just you and me walking up the stairs like when you were young and able to walk right next to me going up the stairs. Right next to me. It rained alot last night, I kept waking up to the lightning and thunder. You were never scared of thunder or fireworks. You were always so happy and calm. The best friend ever. I was just downstairs doing some cleaning, I was sitting next to your bed thinking if I should rearrange things but I can never bring myself to do that. I want your bed right where it has always been and all of your things right near them. I want you to be able to find your bed when you need to. I just miss you Pumpkin sweets. Oh, little baby, Misha wanted to wash your nose prints off of the back door but I don't want to yet. Uncle Sean and I were looking at those last night. Makes me sad. I was looking for something in the trunk of my car and your leash popped out with your tags on them. It was in the car still from when I last took you to the doctor. The last ride that you ever had in the car. I was so upset. I cried.

Hi little Baby, it is now 4 weeks since you left me. I am in shock because I can't believe it. It feels that it was just yesterday that I was hysterical because I knew that you were leaving me. None of us can believe it. I still just miss you so much. I was ready to get back to work today, it eases my mind sometimes. If I'm super busy, then I am not so anxious. I thought that I had a dream of you last night but it keeps escaping me. I keep thinking about how the summer is almost over and you didn't even get to enjoy it. Misha and I were talking about how I get so angry so suddenly, the girls have noticed, too. I'm sure it is related to my emotions because I am not able to figure out how to help myself. Do you remember how I used to walk in to the water so that you would come out to the water, too? You didn’t like to be too far away from me so if I went in to the water, then you would, too. Oh sweet pea.

It has been 29 days now. 1 day past 4 weeks. I just got home, I've been really sad lately and always thinking of you. What are you doing without me? Are you happy? Do you miss me? Everyone keeps telling me that You are so happy now but I don't know for sure, are you? I don't think I've received any kind of a sign from you, not that I know of, but you know how I'm not good at subtle signs. You had to 'woo-woo' to get me to turn around. I have your pictures at work so that I can look at them from time to time. I have them on my desk at home and on my computer. When will I stop feeling like this? Do you remember how we would go ice fishing? How you loved to get on the snowmobile with me? You were so big that you had to ride sideways! You knew just how to do it. Then when I got the motorcycle, you would get so excited when I started it up. I felt terrible because I couldn't take you on it. I am listening to Patty the Pet Psychic. She talks about how to cope with grief and how to open myself up to you.

Hi Baby, it's been 30 days now. I'm still having such a hard time. I think I may have had a brief dream with you running around a field but I can't remember if I saw you or I hoped that I saw you. This is so frustrating because I really wish I could see you. I was just downstairs touching your things. Your cow bone and your chew bone are still on your bed. You dog bowls (with the little dog picture inside of them) are still there, too. I keep all of your things together so that nothing gets lost. I just took the list that I always had posted in the kitchen for everyone to see the kinds of human foods are poisonous for you. I would make sure everyone knew not to give you those things. It's still raining on and off the past few days, drizzle here and there and some thunder. Do you remember that time along time ago, when we were in the mountains and we had stopped to look at big flock of sheep? You ran down the hillside and disappeared into the flock? Then I spotted the 'sheep dogs' that were blended in to the sheep. They were almost as big as you. I yelled for you to come back and I was so scared that the dogs would catch you. You were maybe 4-5 years then and could run so fast and quietly. I was yelling for you and grabbing a big stick and was waiting for you to run up the hill. The girls were already in the car but I had to wait with the back door open for you, I would have never left you to fight those dogs alone. You were so tired running up the hillside and you made it in to the car before those dogs made it to us. You jumped in to the car and I had to slam the back door shut and hurry in to drive off. I still think about that time and I was so scared that I never let you run off like that again. Even when you tried to play with the cows and bison. I had to hold you back on the leash because the males were protecting the females and they didn't like you. Do you remember when that big male bull was running to you because you were close to the fence by the female cows?

31 days, can you believe it? I just got home from work and going to do a little work from home tonight. How are you my little baby girl? Well, Pumpkin, Misha just came home 5 minutes ago and already we are arguing. I'm getting tired of this. You were always there to calm me down and help me relax and now with you gone, I just can't.

32 days, it is a friday night. I went to coffee with Auebon. We were talking about you and her cat Taboo that disappeared 5 years ago. She is still devastated about not knowing what happened to her cat. She thinks that I will never get over you. She knows how sensitive I was towards you, you were the soft side of myself.

33 Days now. Grandma is coming to town for a short visit. I will be gone alot this weekend but I will still write you when I can. I will be thinking of you. The weather has been windy and a little rain here and there. It hasn't been very hot. Summer is coming to an end and it feels as if it had just started when you left me.

34 days which is 5 weeks now, Hi Baby Sweetpie, I miss you so much. Yesterday didn't start out so good but I feel a little better now. I won't be around much this weekend since Grandma is still here. I Love You Pumpkin Pie. Hi again Sweetpea, I just got back from the Arts Festival in Park city. There were a couple of dogs there, a beautiful Akita and a black lab. I could only think of you Precious Pumpkin.

35 days now Pumpkin Sweetpie. Can you believe it? I still can't believe it. Still strange for me to know that your ashes are on the piano with your paw print. Last night while I was reading, I thought that I could smell you strongly just for a few seconds, then it was gone. Was it you?

36 days and still waiting to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. How are you Precious Pie? Are you missing us? We miss you alot, especially me but you know how much I love you. I have so much work tonight, from home. Misha and I were talking about how it's been almost 1.5 months since you left us. We are still in a bit of shock.

37 days so far, How are you baby cakes? I just got home from work and I've got some work to do but I'll check back now and then. I sat by your bed last night so that I could be near you or feel near you somehow. I have been feeling better these past few days. I still think of you constantly but I can smile when I think of you now, instead of cry.

38 days now, almost 6 weeks since I last saw you. I just got home, it is a little late. I went to Thilys and saw Merb there, too. Nina and Mouse sat on my lap. They must know that you aren't with me anymore. I have been reading alot of books about people who have seen their dogs after they left. Is this true?

39 Days, Good Morning Baby Cutie. How are you doing? I know that I woke up in the middle of the night because I caught a glimpse of you in my dreams. I wish that these dreams would last longer. I just woke up from a nap and I had the wierdest dream, in my dream, I knew you were not with us any longer but there you were, we were just walking along, like during our evening walks. Then later, I had to run to the post office and I called out for you to come with me. Then a few seconds later, I couldn't believe that I had done that because I knew that you wouldn't be coming with me. Shocked and sadness hit me.

40 days Sweet Pie. Almost 6 weeks since you left us. It has been a little cooler this past week but clear skies. This is the perfect weather for your walks at Tanner park because it wasn't so hot that you would get too hot but warm enough for you to play in the water. I miss you so much. I keep wondering every day, will I get through this or will I feel this way throughout the rest of my life?

Hi Pumpkin, It's been 6 weeks today since you left me. What are you doing now? I am sitting by the back window so that I can see your favorite lounging spots. I opened your box for the first time today. I wanted to see your ashes, what is left of you. Your bag is so heavy. It made me so sad to think that your body is in only ashes now.

42 days now Baby Sweets. Can you believe it? I can't. I don't want to believe it. I keep lighting a candle for you continuously every day. I know that I am not the only one that has gone through losing their baby but it sure seems like it. Alexa started a part time job at a dog groomers and there is a young, male black lab that is almost as big as you. He just loves her and follows her around and barks at the other dogs when she pays attention to them. She misses you so much Pumpin. So do I.

43 days Pumpkin. I just got home, I had to go to the doctors. It is later than usual and I don't have alot of time to write today but I just want you to know that I miss you and I hope that you are happy and well. I still wish every day that you would give me a sign that you are around.

44 days Baby Precious. It is sunny outside right now after raining so hard today. I am looking out the window at your favorite spot in the shade. I am working from home, as usual. I am always thinking of you though. What are you doing right now? When will you visit me?

45 days and counting. How are you Precious? I just got home, had coffee with Auebon. I wonder what are you doing right now? We had a few minutes of rain yesterday that was so heavy that there were huge floods in the city. It was unbelievable. My initial thought was how grateful I was that we didn't have any flooding because you could have been hurt. Then I realized that you are not here. It is so strange how I keep thinking like you are alive and well.

46 days now Baby Cakes. I woke up early today, I didn't sleep well last night. I watched a movie last night about a man who dies and is reborn again and comes back into the lives of his family but it takes 22 years. I wonder if this happens with animals? Misha and I went to dinner with some friends, Uncle Sean was there, too. We had a good time. We didn't feel like making it too late of a night so we came home and I just wanted to say Hi again.

47 days not Precious, almost 7 weeks. I spoke with Grandma this morning and she can't believe that it's been that long. She keeps telling me that I need to think of the wonderful dog you were and how much fun we had together and all of the nice things because you are now in a very happy place.

48 days Pumpkin, it's been 7 weeks. I was so busy today, Xaria just started school today and we were running around for her soccer and school supply shopping. How are you? I hope that you are happy. I had a dream last night about you and it woke me up and I stayed awake to try to remember what it was about. I think you were just looking at me to follow you somewhere, like when we went for our walks and you didn't like to get too far ahead of me. I'm not sure if it was because you were afraid we would sneak away or because you just wanted us to be right behind you on our walks?

49 days Baby Doll. How are you today? I am feeling better this week and I was even talking about you a little bit at work with a fellow. She was so sad. (Me, too but at least I didn't start to cry). 2 months (8 weeks) is just around the corner. It seems like yesterday that you left me yet also so long ago. I was looking at your ashes and paw print today, I finally got you tucked back in to the box. I keep a picture of you and me when we took a little walk around the Great Salt Lake at Salt Air. You and I were walking in the water and sand far away from Misha because the water was so low that we just walked along the sand bars. Misha took a picture of us, we were walking side by side and there is a little rainbow in the bottomm right hand corner of the picture. Just the way the light hit the camera lens. I have a few pictures of us on that day. You tried to drink the water but it was so salty that you hated it. It was funny but I didn't let you drink any more. After we walked around, we went and rinsed off at the showers. I miss you so much.

50 days now Pumpkin Pie. I was showing your picture to some gals at work. They think you are so beautiful. How right they are. Thi-ly sent me a link to a website for a Black Great Dane that looks a little like you. She is so cute. I just don't think I am ready for another dog. When will that be? I read all of the memorials on here and I just can't believe that people don't come back to write to their pups. I wonder how they feel when 1,2,3 years pass since their pups died. It makes me so claustrophobic. It has almost been 2 months. That makes my head spin. I wish that you would send me some kind of sign that you are around me. I just miss you so much.

51 days Baby Sweet Pie. It is hot outside today. The kind of day that is too hot for you to go for a walk or a hike. Do you remember when we finally made it up Farmington Canyon? The first time we tried, the dirt was so hot that you couldn't even stand on it and you kept running into the bushes to get off of the dirt. When we made it up the switchbacks and into the forest, the air was so cool and the shade. You loved it. There were dragonflies buzzing around us and flowers that you would stop and smell. I just miss our walks. I wish that we could go for just one more. It would be even longer and you would be so happy. I keep thinking about our little trip to the Salt Air and Great Salt Lake. Do you remember Antelope Island? How we hiked all of the way up the hill and you were 10 years old at the time! Misha took our pictures as we looked over the lake. There is a picture of you giving me a hug as we looked out over the valley. You were such a good hiker.

52 days now Baby Girl! I just got home from bringing my motorcycle home from the Ken Garff because I had to leave my car to be serviced. It's raining pretty hard right now and I just made it home before it started raining really hard. Whew. It was a little cold and the raindrops hurt. How are you Pumpkin? I think I will be watching Dionna's puppy 'Ellie' that she got 3 weeks ago. She is cute but she's not you! What are you doing up there? I was arranging your things, your bed, your pet bed, your bowls and your collars and leashes. They all still smell of you. I have a little bag of your hair from the last night that you were alive, do you remember? I brushed your fur and you were so shiny. I don't know if you were starting to get sick at that time but you didn't act strange. Your hair was still in the backyard when I came home from the vet. I gathered what was left and put it in a bag. I'm so glad that I did that.

53 days Pumpkin Precious. It is very late, I have been watching Auntie Dionna's new puppy, Ellie. She is such a good puppy. I had a busy day today and I just got home from our work BBQ at Liberty Park. We had alot of great food. There were alot of dogs there. I saw a big, black dog from afar. He looked to be almost your size in height but not quite as heavy. I don't know what kind of dog he was but I wished so much that it was you and me playing at the park. I miss you so much Baby Cakes. Auebon and I went for an Italian Soda afterwards and I spoke of you for a little while. She knows everything about what happened and how upset I am.

54 days Baby Pumpkin. It's almost been 2 months. I am dreading it. How are you? What are you doing? I didn't sleep very well last night. Auntie Dionna came to pick up Ellie. She is cute. She was walking around your beds and bowls and sniffing and sniffing. She could smell you, I'm sure. Beau was with Dionna, he looked at your paw print and couldn't believe how big it was. He has only seen pictures of you.

55 days Pumpkin Baby. It has been 8 weeks since you left me. 2 months now. I cannot believe it has been that long. The house behind the bushes next door is being torn down. Yuck. The weather was really rainy and cold today. You wouldn't have liked to go outside today. It is started to get colder, especially in the mornings and at night. Remember how we used to like the cold weather? As we both got older, we both stopped liking it so much. You used to like to eat the snow and run around, before your knees started to bother you. I am listening to Israel's 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' and it reminds me of you. He has the sweetest voice.

56 days now Baby Girl. How are you? What are you doing right now? The days are getting a little cooler, especially in the morning and evening. I am reading now about dogs and the afterlife. I hope it's true because I don't know what I would do if I was never to see you again. I wish I knew if there was an afterlife for us. Will we all be together again?

Hi Pumpkin, it's been 57 days now. Can you believe it? I have been looking at homes now. We want to move back to the big city now that Xaria is getting older. It's so wierd now because before when I was imagining what I needed to consider, you were the top priority when it came to the yards and stairs. We miss you so much Precious, especially me.

58 days Baby Sweets. How are you and what are you doing? I just got home, I have some work to do but I will check back in. I've been having such a hard time lately, it could be the change of the season and also because it seems just like yesterday that you left me. I miss you so much. I can still smell your things. I still have your beds and toys and bowls and collars and leashes. I have such a hard time when the sun starts to set.

59 days now Precious Pie, I just got home from work. How are you and what are you doing right now? Do you miss me? I just got a book called 'Tails from the afterlife' which is about people's stories of their animal friends that have come visited them. I know now what a 'heart animal' is. You are my 'heart dog'. The one dog.

60 days, it is late afternoon Baby Cakes. I have been so tired today and I kept falling asleep. I watched some movies last night. Had a few hours of work to do this weekend. How are you and what are you doing right now? I was reading a book on thursday evening and all of a sudden, I could smell you really strong for just about 2-3 seconds. Misha didn't smell you even though he was close by. Was it you?

61 days Pumpkin Sweets. I just woke up a little while ago. Yesterday was my daddy's birthday and he emailed back, Kyle said it's the first time in history that he's written an email! It's a pretty day outside, I am thinking about you (as always). I was going through some old pictures and we found pictures of you that Xaria and Alexa had taken when you were about 5 years old. You didn't have any white hairs and your face was fat! They are so pretty. Timber was in some of the pictures but you are the star. Your hair was shiny and black.

62 days now Pumpkin and 9 weeks since you passed. I've been talking to Grandma on the phone. The weather is so cold today, it was hot yesterday but cooled down to 70 degrees today. I think that you might like this weather since you would get so hot easily. What are you doing right now? I watched 'The curious case of Benjamin Button' last night. It's a pretty good movie, I wish that you could come back to me. I just woke up after falling asleep while reading. I smelled you for just 1 second while I was reading.

63 days now Sweet Pie. How are you? What are you doing? I am still so happy that I found those pictures of you. The weather is starting to change to fall weather. This is the second change of season since you left me. I keep thinking about what it was like to hug you and kiss you. My baby sweets.

64 days Pumpkin Pie. It is a really pretty day outside, the kind of weather that you like because you can sit in the shade and just enjoy looking around. The bushes have been torn up by the neighbor behind us so everythingn is open. The house has been torn down. I don't know what's going on there but there is a big field behind our place now.

65 days Baby Cakes. How are you doing? I just got home from work, I have a little work from home to do. Xaria has started soccer and she is ovewhelmed with her homework. I look at your pictures every day. I wish I knew what you were doing. Have you given me any signs that you are happy?

66 days Precious sweets. What are you doing right now? It is a cooler day today and you would like it. Ellie is here, she's Auntie Dionna's puppy. I think that she would drive you crazy because she has alot of energy.

67 days Sweets. How are you doing? I was busy taking care of Ellie, Dionna's puppy today then I fell asleep. It is now evening and the sun is setting. It's pretty but hard for me to enjoy these things when I know that you are not with me to enjoy them. I miss you so much Pumpkin.

68 days and tomorrow will be 2 and half months since you left. It was the beginning of summer and summer has ended. What are you doing right now? Ellie is still here. She just ate breakfast. Do you eat somehow? You always seemed hungry.

Hi Baby cakes. Today marks 69 days and 2.5 months that you left me. I cannot believe it. The sun is starting to set earlier and earlier. Fall is here. I look at your pictures every day Pumpkin Cakes. It is still warm enough tonight that the back door is open so that the fresh air blows through. The perfect weather for you.

Hi Sweetpea, it's 70 days today. I can't believe it's been that long. Every day that goes by and I am still unbelieving. The weather is nice today, perfect for your afternoon lounges in the shade. TThe sun is starting to set precious. You would be getting ready to go downstairs to go to sleep.

71 days now Pumpkin Pie. The weather was nice today but a little cool touch to it. It's a very pretty time of year. The neighbors next door must have recently brought home 2 dogs and they bark all day. They aren't as sweet and mellow as you. One of the dogs has a little deeper bark which reminds me of yours. I would recognize your bark anywhere because no other dog has your dark, rich voice. I miss you so much Precious. I have been listening to old 80's music.

72 days my little Baby. How are you? The sun is starting to set right now, the days are getting shorter. I haven't received any signs from you. Are you thinking about us during your days? Misha and I were discussing that we are unable to believe that you have left us. My days are still sad.

73 days Sweet Cakes. What are you doing? How are you? I just came home from having coffee with Auebon. It's dark outside now. The days are getting so short, so quickly.

Hi Pumpkin, it has been 74 days. How are you? What are you doing? I had to work today for volunteering. I was in the sun alot so I was so tired that I fell asleep when I got home.
Misha is working on Lucas' pc, cleaning and repartitioning it. I miss you Precious.

75 days Sweet Pie. 1 week away from 3 months. It just makes me sick. You were the best friend ever. There is just no possibility that there will be another dog nearly as great as you. You were so sweet and gentle and so happy. You made us all happy.

76 days Baby Cakes. How are you? Are you happy? The sun is starting to set and I am looking outside in the back yard. It seems so different without you near. Jerry came over last night and we were talking about you. I still have all of your things and your beds. It is so empty without you in our lives.

77 days now Precious Pumpkin. How are you? The weather is cool right now, it rained pretty hard for a little while then stopped. Just enough to cool the air. Yesterday Thily brought some starter plants and they are on the piano next to you and your paw print.

78 days Baby Sweet Pea. What are you doing? How are you? It's getting closer and closer to the 3 month mark now. Such a sad time for me. It rained so hard and hailed so hard for just a few minutes yesterday when I was driving home. You wouldn't have liked the weather. It will be so wierd to see snow in the back without your footprints and tracks through it.

79 days Precious. How are you doing? What are you doing now? The weather is nice today. It is 19:41, the sun has almost completely set for the evening. Right now is the time that we would be taking our evening stroll that you liked so much. I had a dream 2 nights ago and I know that you were in it for such a brief time. I woke up and I was frustrated because I couldn't remember it.

80 days Pumpkin. What are you doing? Little Precious, it is now night time. Misha and I were out back enjoying the evening and talking about you. Almost 3 months since you left me. My mind still is constantly aware of you not being here anymore. If I don't keep busy, then it all comes back.

81 days Sweet Pie. The sun is up and it is a really pretty day. The weather is still cool, like when we would start our hikes up the canyons. The water would be too cold for me to walk through rivers but you would still like it.

82 days Little Baby Sweets, it has now been 3 months since you left me. Why isn't it any easier for me to understand? I miss you so much. What are you doing with your time away from me? I am listening to some music by Adrian Von Ziegler. He is very good. He composes his own music and different genres. Thily had to take Nina and Mouse to the vet and someone had to put their ferret to sleep and was crying so much. It made Thily so sad. It has been one year since.

83 days now Baby Cakes. This key is really messed up right now so my typing is wierd. The weather is very nice today. I don't have any work today but I am waiting to find out what is wrong with Mishas car and Alexas car is in the shop getting repainted. I don't feel very good right now pumpkin pie. I think that I will try to go to sleep early today.
84 days sweetpea, how are you? What are you doing these days? Do you miss us? I just woke up from a nap. I have been sick and I fell asleep. I feel a little better now. Alexa posted a photo of you that I had not seen before. Thily showed it to me. You are in Alexa's room and as usual, you have your ears all soft and flat because you hated to have your photos taken. You are so pretty, as usual.

85 days Sweet Pea. How are you? We miss you so much. The days are getting shorter and shorter. Today was a busy day and I am just now starting to relax and check my mail, etc. Do you miss us?

86 days Pretty Baby. How are you? What are you doing nowadays? I just got home from having coffee with Auebon. So many people were walking around with their dogs. I saw quite a few black labs which always remind me of you. The weather was a bit warm today but still nice enough that you would enjoy walking around and laying on the cool grass. I miss those days with you.

88 days Pumpkin, I wasn't able to write to you yesterday. I was so busy that I didn't even get online. How are you? The sun is just shining today and it's very nice outside.

89 days Sweet Pie, What are you doing right now? The sun is setting and it will be dark soon. It's windy and cool outside.

90 days now Sweets. How are you? What are your days filled with now? I was driving home and saw a black dog which reminded me of you even though he looked nothing like you. All black dogs remind me of you. Alexa started working at a dog grooming kennel a few weeks after you died and she misses you so much because all dogs remind her of you but she loves working there.

91 days Pretty girl. What are you doing? I just got home and am doing a little bit of work right now. The weather is cooler again today, we had a bit of rain, which you don't like.

92 days Precious Pie. How are you? I saw a dog today when i was leaving work. She wa sa mixed breed, medium size and she ran over to me and was hugging me. Her owner asked if I had a dog and I told her about you. She was so sad. I told her how you were my baby sweets. Her dog was so friendly and loving. I wish you with still with us. We miss you Sweet pie.

93 days Baby Cakes. What are you doing? I went to coffee with Meridith today and we talked about you and Teva. I was having such a hard time because I miss you so much. It was really great to hang out with her, I needed it.

95 days, Sweetness. I wasn't feeling so good yesterday so I didn't even get on here to write you. How are you? Are you happy? The weather is pretty cool today, it's 09:00 and I have a little bit of work to do today.

96 days Little baby girl. It has been 14 weeks today since you left us. We miss you so much. I just got home from work, we had 3 meetings today so I'm home very late tonight. The weather was nice and a little cooler, just like you like. Xaria had a dream about you, that she was petting you and holding you. We wish we could do that again.

97 days Sweet Pie. What are you doing? The weather was a little cooler today, perfect for your evening walks. You would still go in to the rivers but it is a little chillier now. Have you really been gone 3 and half months now?

98 days and counting Baby Sweets. How are you and what are you doing now? The weather was cooler again today. The days are getting shorter. Are you happy?

99 days Precious Pumpkin. How are you? I was just wondering why it is that you never really liked to play with a ball? You didn't like to fetch. You just liked to drag huge tree limbs out of the water?

100 days now Sweet Sweet. I cannot believe it. Do you remember us? The weather was beautiful today, just how you like it. Not too warm and not too cold. Misha has all of your photos playing on my desktop so that I can see them all of the time.

101 days since you left us Sweet Pea. Every time that I am finishing my meal, I always want to reach down and give the last few bites to you like I always did. I was laying downstairs and looking at your things that are still where I left them the day that you left. Sometimes, the feelings of sorrow are so overwhelming that I have no idea how I will live with them.

102 days Pumpkin Sweets. The days seem to be flying by so fast yet go by so slowly. Whenever I am driving, I think of you. I see all of the places that we would go together. I see all of these people who have their pups with them and think 'how lucky' they are. We miss you so much Sugar Pie. Do you miss us?

103 days Beautiful Baby Sweets. It was a pretty day today, your favorite kind of weather, the kind that was warm enough so that your bones didn't hurt but cool enough for you to be outside enjoying the sun. The rest of this month is free adoption time for the SLC animal county services. There are so many wonderful dogs out there that need homes and I wish that I could take them all. I just don't feel as if I am ready though.

104 days Little Precious. The sun is setting right now. How are you these days? I haven't had a dream about you in so long that it makes me sad.

105 days Little Baby. How are you? What are you doing with your time? Last night was a bit hard because I was smothered and when I get claustrophobic it's because I am upset about you.

106 days Sweet Pea. Guess what? I had a dream about you last night. The sad thing is that you were not with us any longer and all I had of you was your face on a mirror. Then after I prayed and hoped, your face came back to life. You were the same Josie but you didn't have a neck or body. You were still able to give me your love and kisses and it was a surprise at first then everything was the same again. I was so happy even to have just your face. Everyone was so happy that we didn't care if we had to carry your face around. It was a strange dream but when I woke up, I was so happy to have had a dream of you because I hadn't had one for so long but I was so sad again when realized it was just a dream.

108 days Pumpkin. I didn't write to you yesterday because I spent the afternoon with Uncle Sean. It was his birthday. He wanted to know how I was doing and if things are better with you. We went to Tsunami, he felt like Japanese food. We ate alot. He seems to be doing okay. He wanted to know if I wanted to get another dog in the future because he knows I'm not ready now but I don't know. The weather has been cold and raining the past 2 days. It is so depressing. You didn't care for the rain. I miss you so much Precious.

109 days Baby Sweets. How are you? What are you filling your days with now? Do you miss us? We miss you so much. Today was so cold. It was windy, too. Just the type of weather that made your bones hurt so much. I hope it's not too hot or too cold where you spend your time hopefully waiting for us.

110 days Pumpkin Sweets. How are you? Is the weather warm today for you? It was still cold today but not as windy. There is a storm rolling in right now, so dark and cloudy. The clouds are hanging so low and floating by really quickly, it is odd. The big dlouds edge looks like an old persons side profile. What have you been doing with your time away from us?

111 days My little Precious. How are you? Today is a bad day for me. It stopped raining but I had to tell Alexa to leave and find somewhere else to live. What worries me is that I wasn't yelling. I am finished trying to help her. I wish you were here with me. I miss you so much baby sweets.

112 days Sweet Pie. What are you doing? Are you thinking of us? I am sorry that I don't have much time today, I have had major problems with work and am working on restoring a whole bunch of data...it is so nervewracking. I miss you though and I just wanted to say Hi Precious!

113 Little Baby Pie. How are you? The weather was pretty today, just perfect for you. I think I may have had a little dream of you last night but the memory was gone before I could catch it.

114 days Precious. I have been watching Northern Exposures episodes for some time now and I have 1 episode left to watch. The weather was cloudy and a little rainy today. Kids are out celebrating Halloween tonight (Halloween is tomorrow which is a sunday) What have you been doing with your time? Do you think of us? I think of you every day Pumpkin.

115 days Sweet Stuff. Today has been nice weather, perfect for you. How are you and what are you doing? Alexa has a dog here who has been fostered her whole life and has been at ALexa's work since before you left us. Her name is Sandy and she is a yellow lab mix. She is so scared and shy. Isn't it sad that she has never had a home? I miss you so much and wish it was you with us.

116 days Pumpkin Precious. Can you believe it's been 17 weeks? Xaria has been having a hard time because she keeps thinking about you. Alexa has been fostering this dog and it's making Xaria think about you (she thinks of you every day). Regardless of what dog is around or not, I am always thinking of you Sweet Pea.

117 days Baby Sweets. How are you? What did you do today? The weather was so nice, a little bit chilly but sunny. How have you been? I was just petting the dog (yellow lab that Alexa changed her name to Vruca) She is a bit skittish. Makes me wonder what she has been through. You were always so calm and easy. I could always trust you around other dogs and small animals. You were the best dog. I just miss you so much.

118 days Little One. It is wednesday, 03 November 2010. Auebon had to put her cat 'Kitty' to sleep last night. She is having such a hard time. She loves her cats. Her other cat 'Blue' is also being extra affectionate with Auebon today because we think she senses something is missing. Poor Auebon. Unfortunately, I know that feeling all too well and all too recent. I miss you Precious baby sweets.

119 days Pumpkin Sweets. What have you been doing today? The weather was so nice, just the way that you like it. Misha is working late tonight. I saw a photo today that had a black lab (and yellow lab) both with their heads poking through a cinder block. The black lab's face looked alot like yours. We miss you so much Baby.

120 days Baby Pumpkin. How are you today? Was the weather nice for you? It was beautiful here, just the weather that you like. I am doing some work from home tonight. Tomorrow, I will have Ethan and Chloe for the day. I'm sure they will be looking all over for you. You were always so gentle with kids, except for you moving around. I hope that you don't have kids trying to ride you now. Tomorrow I think I will go to sign the adoption papers for Alexa's yellow lab. She is a sweet dog but there is no way that she will be nearly as close with me as you were. No dog will ever be. I miss you Precious one.

121 days Sweet Stuff. How are you? Xaria and I were talking about you and we miss you so much. The weather was your perfect weather again today. I wonder how long it will last? Ethan and Chloe and I went to the Living Planet Aquarium today and then we had lunch. We had a nice time. I saw a darling Rottweiler (Brown color) mix who just kept watching me. I really liked her but I think that I still need to wait off before thinking about a dog. Alexa adopted the dog that we have been fostering. She is sweet but a little skittish. Misha and I just know that we need a dog that has mostly your mannerisms. A little older and more calm, just like you were. You were just the perfect dog for us.

122 days Precious Pumpkin. How are you? What are you doing? I was just vacuuming downstairs and around your bed and bowls and toys. It made me so sad. Alexa took her dog and met some friends to go for a little hike. Just like you and I used to do. I miss you so much Sweet Pea.

123 days (18 weeks today) Sweet Pie. How are you? Was it rainy for you, too? It rained and snowed all day. Yuck. I hope your arthritis in your back and hips isn't too painful since the cold weather wasn't too helpful for that. What are you doing? Do you miss us? We miss you so much.

124 days Baby Sweets. How are you? Was the weather warm or cold or just right for you? It was chilly today but sunny. I was looking at your things last night. I miss you so much.

125 days now Pumpkin Stinks: How are you? Was the weather as cold for you today as it is for us? Snow and rain. Too cold. What are you doing with your time? Do you miss us? I have some work at home that I am trying to get caught up on. I miss you.

126 days StinkStuff. How are you? What did you do today? The other day, Misha dropped a piece of meat on the floor and was upset because you were not there to eat it. We are all still having such a hard time with you being away from us. Alexa's dog still won't go downstairs, I think because she can smell your scent. All of your things are still there all together.

127 days Precious Sweets. How are you? We are okay today. The weather was sunny but so chilly. What did you do today? Meridith and I met with Borko today for coffee. He felt bad that you had left us.

128 days now My Little Sweet Pie. What are you doing on this chilly day? It is so cold here. Grandma and Grandpa are flying up for a few hours to see a condo here in SLC so Sean and I will meet them for lunch, then they leave after that. I wish you were around to go around town with me.

129 Days Little One. How are you today? Is it drizzling rain like it is here today? I was looking at your ashes today. I cleaned around your pawprint and box. I have them on the piano. I just miss you so much Precious Pie.

130 days Baby Pumpkin. How are you? It is very late now, I just got home from work and I still have work to do from home. I am so upset and wish that you were here because you could always calm me down. I miss you.

131 days Baby Pie. How are you and what did you do today? I was very busy again. I just got home from picking Xaria up from a late running field trip. I haven't had a dream about you for a while now. Does this mean that you don't think of us?

132 days Sweet Pie. What are you doing? How are you? Today was a beautiful, sunny day. It was chilly but still pretty. I was looking at your pictures that are on my phone when I was waiting for Misha. We got home a little late and I am doing some work from home. I miss You Sweet Pie.

133 days Precious Baby. How are you? Is it windy today for you like it is for us? I think there is a storm coming soon. I am sorry that I haven't had alot of time to write to you, just a few words every day. I have been coming home late due to work and then still have more work at home. I miss you so much Sweets.

134 days Baby Sweets. What have you been up to? It was windy, snow is supposed to be on it's way here. You loved the snow at least until your knees got too painful for the cold. I saw a big black lab today and I couldn't stop thinking of you. I miss you Precious Pie.

135 days Precious One. How are you? What are you doing? It is snowing so much right now. I think that you would like running through it until your knees started to hurt. Misha wanted me to tell you 'Hi'. We miss you Baby Pie.

136 days Sweets. How are you? Are you cold? It snowed alot last night, I couldn't believe it when I woke up this morning. It's cold and wet, too. I remember when you used to love the new snow and would run around eating it and burying your face in it.

137 days and 20 weeks now. What are you doing? Was today as cold for you as for us? I am doing some work from home, as usual. Vili came by and heard that you had left us. I miss you so much Precious Pumpkin.

138 days Pumpkin Pie. How are you? What did you do today? It started to snow about an hour ago and it is really a storm. The schools shut down and when I was driving home, there were hardly any other cars driving around. Everyone was trying to get home before this storm hit us. You would have loved to run around in the fresh snow but it is wet snow, too.

139 days Sweet Pie. It is very, very cold today after the snow yesterday. I will be going to Grandmas today with Uncle Sean to spend Thanksgiving holiday there. I was thinking about the last time that you went there, when Alexa was 16 and you rode in her car. That was almost 4 years ago. I was remembering when we drove places and you were younger. I miss you little Baby.

144 days Baby Cakes. I haven't written to you in several days. I just got back from Grandmas early this morning. We left yesterday around 3 pm but the weather was pretty bad so it took us almost 10 hours to get home! I missed you so much and wished that you were with me.

145 days Precious Pie. I forgot to tell you that Keiko died on Friday. Alexa is pretty upset. Smokey will probably go live with Chris because Alexa wants to keep him away from Ruca, the dog. This year we had a sad 4th of July, since you got sick that day and then you left me the next day after and Thanksgiving since Keiko got hurt that day. I miss You Sweet Pea.

146 days Sweet Pea. How are you? How was your day? It was a pretty day, chilly but not too much like the past week. The snow in the back was untouched since you are not here to run around in it. You are not here to eat the snow and flip it all over. I miss You.

147 days Baby Girl. How are you today? Was it just the perfect weather for you? This morning Stacy at work asked to see your pictures that are on my phone. That way I can carry them everywhere with me. I miss you so much Pumpkin Pea.

148 days Baby Pie. How was your day today? I got home from work so late tonight. Alexa is so upset right now because she misses Keiko so much. I miss you so much Precious.

149 days, What are you doing now? Uncle Sean came over tonight for dinner. It has been lightly raining today and it isn't too cold for you but you didn't like the rain. I miss you.

150 days Sweet Pie. How are you? I woke up early this morning just thinking about you in those last moments and how I wish that I had been with you. I was so upset that I couldn't go back to sleep.

151 days and 22 weeks now Baby Pumpkin. How are you? What have you been up to? I have alot of work to do tonight so I won't be able to write much. The fog lifted today and the skies were a bit blue here and there so it wasn't too cold either. I miss you!

Hi Pumpkin Pie.