PARIS(MALE) is in Doggy Heaven.

PARIS(MALE)

Age 7, July 11, 2004 - July 17, 2011

I love you paris and miss you so much The day I lost you I lost my heart.

Nickname: Bubby

I remember the day that I brought you home you fit in my hand, and I slept on the couch for 3 weeks because you were so little as you grew I took you where ever I went, and every year on your birthday we ahd a birthday party for you. And I always had you pictures taken at a studio each year as I look at them all now lined up in my bedroom with your ashes my heart pleads for you to come back home to me but then reality sets in and I know that's not gonna happen. My world has been shattered into pieces that I don't know if I can pick them up. I'm taking one day at a time and evry sunday and 8:13 a light a candle in your memory and on monday nights at 10 p.m. I also light a candle in your memory during the pet loss candle ceremony around the world. Alot of people have told me that I'm greiving you longer than I have a human being that I've lost but I've never lost a human being that I've been as close to as I was you you were and always will be 'MY HEART'. MOMMY LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU AND ONE DAY I'LL MEET YOU AT THE RAINBOW BRIDGE AND CARRY YOU HOME WITH ME.
Theses past 3 1/2 weeks have been so difficult for mommy, you're vet Dr. Johnson called yesterday to give me a phone number for owners that have lost their loved ones and are having adifficult time with their greiving that they can call and because I feel so lost with out you I'm going to call the mon sunday because you can only call 3 days a week.
I've been remenicing about all the good times we had together while you were in my life like the day I went to gt you and you were just supposed to be $150 but when we got to the place that we were to pick you up the lady said that you were $250 so we drove the hour and half back to town and went back to get you and even took you at 5wks because of th econditions that we found you in(we found out later that the lady was running a puppy mill),then after that you got hypglycemia and had to be rushed to the vet then you got parvo and were int he vet for a week then threw you back out 3x sissy said you were a hospital baby, but after all those hurdles you thrived a grew to a full 8lbs doc said you wouldnt get any bigger that you may have been a teacup but to me your my heart my paris. From the day i brought you home until god called you home you were whereevr i was. When I was in bed so were you, I remember when alena would come in our room for her goodnight kiss you would chase her, you wouldnt bite her but would chase her, and I remember the 1st time youstarted doing the ponies or wouldnt let Isaac have any of the toys. The day I lost you daddy said that Isaac wanted his brother and his dad and grandpap wanted a dog, I was so hurt and angry at god for taking you becasue you were and still are my heart. Everyone tells me to remember all the good times and I do but it still doesnt chage the fact that I want you with me things just arent the same without you here everywhere I turn is a constant reminder of you and to me I wouldnt change it for nothing your even in the car with me. The last time that you went into the hospital July 12, 2011 something in my gut told me I was gonna lose you soon and that feeling wouldnt go away as much as i tried to think and feel positive it would go away Doc johnson said that I didnt do anything wrong but I blame myself because last year when you got pancreatits and then the kidney problems because of the pancreatitis I should of stuck to your regimine and did for almost a year then I gave in to you, becasue you were doing great a back to yourself after only a month. I know they say not to blame yourself and that's what doc johnson told me to becasue he said that he told me once youre diag. with kidney failure you nevr know when it's gonna come back i just didnt think it would be a year to date almost later. Paris I love you so much and cry everyday knowing that I'll nevr be able to hear your bark except on a video or feel your fur against me or be able to put you int he tub with me for your bath again. YOU GAVE ME 7 AMAZING YEARS MOMMY WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
I just got a few of your pictures uploaded these were when you were feeling good and werent sick. Alena is standing beside me saying "P" remember that's what she would call you becasue she couldnt pronounce your name til right before you passed then she would say puris I miss that but as soon as she seen your picture mommmys heart is hurting i miss you so much i'll be putting more pictures up of you soon.
I took more pictures of your pictures that i had done professionally with mommy's digital camera so i can add them to your profile, mommy had a very bad day yesterday, I cried most of the day and laid on the bed with your blanket and your keepsake urn that daddy got me it stays under my pillow, I sat in the yard and remembered you running around the yard and stared up to heaven and talked to you, mommy misses you soooo much and thank you to all that share and know the grief that i'm going through because alot of people just don't get it.
Well today it's been 1month since GOD called you home, tonight I will light a candle for you at 8:13 and remember all the precious memories that you gave me for 7 years. You touched my life in a way that none else did. Losing you as put a empty void in my life that will never be filled. People around me keep saying that I should get another dog but I just cant do it because I can never let myself love another like I did you it just wouldnt be the same. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY. MOMMY
Well bubby it's 3:33 on sunday august the 14th 2011, daddy jsut left to go to grandma's nad mommy finally gets some time to herself, I havent been able to cry like i guess i need to but as much crying as i do i know that it will never bring you back i've been remembering the good times that we had and i think of you every second of everday. this past month has seemed like a blur and all a bad dream and i feel like all i want to do is just wake up from it, everyone around me seems to think i'm loosing my grip on reality and i'm not they just don't comprehend jsut how much you meant to me i feel like i've lost one of your sissys or daddy or alena that's how much it hurts I'll be calling a grief counsler tonight that doc johnson gave to me because i'm having such a difficult time with your passing on.Know that i'll always love you and you'll always be in my heart you have got some wonderful tokens of affections from other pet owners like mommy and they have left you beautiful comments my heart goes out to all of them becasue they truly understand mommys hurt
HOW DO I LIVE WITH OUT YOU? I'VE TRIED TO STOP THE HURT ND PAIN BUT JUST DONT KNOW HOW EVEN THOUGH I'M TRYING TO AND I DO REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES THIS HURT IS UNBEARABLE
August 15,2011 I called the petloss grief hotline last night bubby but got a answering machine cause they were helping other people so mommy doesnt feel so alone now knowing that there must be ALOT of people that are greiving just as juch as i am if their lines were tied up. I cried alot yesterday and sat out on the patio were you and i would be when we were relaxing outside i jsut pictured you laying in your spot and remembered all thejoy that you brought me. Ialso read bebe page and the poem and at first it made me sad then i felt comfrot in it because i know that you knew how much mommy loved you and i didnt want to see you suffer doc johnson said he could of kept you alive fora few more days but mommy didnt want you to suffer. The night that i lost you we were by ourselves for awhile nad i thought i was gonna lose you then but i jsut kept asking you to hold on til we went to see doc and i think you did for mommy because you knew mommy wouldnt be able to do it without daddy there. I'm sorry i couldnt stay with you til the end but mommy jsut didnt want to let you go and still dont but know that i must, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND I WILL NEVER STOP BUT I KNOW THAT YOURE AT THE RAINBOW BRIDGE WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ME AND I'LL MEET YOU THERE WHEN MY TIME HAS COME AND WE'LL BE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN AND I'LL BE ABLE TO STROKE YOUR SOFT FUR AND YOU'LL LIKE MY FACE AND SAY MOMMY TAHNK YOU FOR LOVING ME AS MUCH AS YOU DID
Just figured out how to get your other pictures up they were taken in march of 07 you were just 2 1/2 I still cant find your 1st baby picture of you sitting on that sittee with pointsetta's around it but mommy will somedayand then i'll add it to Iove the pic of you in your bath robe
You sent me a message today I was on my way home from the grocery store a few minutes ago and was stopped at a red light asnd there was a car in front of me and on it's back window the words it's gonna be okay were on it there were no other stickers or anything just those words, I know that it's been very difficult for mommy since I lost you but i've been asking god to give me some kind of sign that you're ok and today I received it. I lvoe you buddy and miss you so much.
August 16, 2011 well Mommy had a brief talk with daddy last night and explained to him about the way he's been handling my grief of losing you and that he was doing things backwards and not letting me express my feelings and that it was hindering the process and I think that he understands now. I was listening to a song yesterday and thought of you it's called missing you and some of the words go like this Though I'm missing you i'll find a way to get through you were my heart, mycourage, my strength and only god knows why.Who would have known that you'd have to go, so suddenly, so fast , now all that I have are the sweet memories are all that i have left. I can still hear your bark and snoring when I'm laying in bed and have to catch myself thinking that you're under there knowing that you're not.My hurt may ease but will never go away. I'll love you and miss you til god calls me home and then before I go home I'll stop by the Rainbow Bridge and pick you up and we'll be together once again.
August 17,2011 well mommy hasnt cried in 2 days but i've wanted to because everyone jsut doesnt get how much losing you has hurt mommy. I'm trying to let go but i'm jsut not ready they called me back from the grief counseling center but mommy was in bed i cant call them back til thursday but i'm hoping talking to someone that understands better will help mommy being able to keep this journal on this website has helped mommy alot and i'm thankful for whoever crated it. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU PARIS
Showed grandma and aunt betsy your tribute page grandma may have me put one up for lou, frank, precious and knute remember they were her shitzu and you used to try and hump lou and precious all the time.lol. buffy misses you coming to grandma to visit her and remember you humping her sooo much you'd make yourself sick.Mommy has been exspressing her feelings for you to everyone today and it helpd the pain alittle but I know that I'm gonna have alooooong road ahead of me dealing with losing you so soon. But everday i know that i have to go on because i have daddy, sissy's and alena to think of and I don't want alena to see me crying because she wouldnt understand cause she's only 2 but every night after her bath she still stands at mommy's bedroom door waiting on you to come out and chase her to our chair and everytime we come home she says "P" thinking your going to be at the door to greet her. I miss you so much and know in my heart that i can never bring myself to get another dog because it just wouldnt be the same.
Well mommy finally remembered all the words to that song that reminded me of you
Though i'm missing you
I'll find a way to get through
Who would've known that you'd have to go, so suddnely so fast
How could it be all the sweet memories are all, all that I have left
Living with out you, cause you were my heart, my strength my pride
Only god may know why
Now that you're gone everyday I go on
But lifes just not the same
I'm so empty inside, and my tears I can't hide
But I'll try to face the pain
There were so many things that we could have done, if time was on our side
Now that you're gone I can still feel you near
So I'll smile with every tear that I cry
So sweet are the crosses we bare
But I'll wait for the day I'll see you again
Mommy loves and misses you so much buddy
I know that alot of people thought that you were a girl and we named you after paris hilton but you are a boy and we named you after helen of troy's lover. You were my best friend and I get through each day knowing that one day i will see you again I just have to stop on my way home and pick you up at the Rainbow Bridge and can't wait to feel you lidk mommy's face like you always did, yes everyone thought it was gross but mommy didnt care i would tell them that your mouth was cleaner than some human's were. I love you and miss you and mommy will write you some more tomorrow.
August 20, 2011 Mommy's sorry that I havent been on your page for a couple days but havent been feeling good. But I wanted to let yo know that I finally had a dream about you on Wednesday night and it repeated its self over and over til mommy woke up. In the dream I was walking down our road and crying and talking to you and all of a sudden you appeared on the side of the road awith your tail wagging like crazy and I bent down and picked you up and mommy just kept saying I miss you so much and love you so much and you smothered my face with your kisses. I didnt want to wake up because i could feel your fur and kisses like you were alive and home and with me once again. I havent dreamt of you since but on the day before i dreamt of you sissy dreamt that she walked into mommys room and you were laying on the bed with me and it was like you were sleeping with me and she said that she thought to herslef like mom what are you doing paris is dead. But to me you're not because you'll laways be alive in my heart and in my memories. I'm just thankful that god gave me the gift to be able to touch and hold you again even if it was in a dream mommy's heart aches for that again even in a dream. I love and miss you bubby and will meet you at the rainbow bridge. Mommy has a family reunion to go to today but dont think thati'm going becasue i've had a migraine since yesterday and it' a bad one i think that i'm just gonna go home and la:y down and rest. Then i'll get soem alone time to think and reflect of my memories with you. Mommy loves you and always will i'm sorry i didnt write nothing in your journal for 2 days but i wont forget next time. I LOVE YOU BUBBY
August 24, 2011 I'm sorry that mommy hasnt been on here for a few days i wrote some things when i was at grandma's house but they never posted i must have done something wrong the last time i wrote was on Saturday before we went to the family reunion but to catch you up whe nmommy went there one of the Kuglers had a black pomerian puppy there thatTHEY SAY was abandoned but mommy knows better cause you know how grandma's side of the family is, anyway they said that they brought her for me and i started crying and told them to get her away from me and called daddy to come and get me and take me home, but the ni kept watching her they had her in a huge cage with no food or water and was coverd in fleas and scabs so mommy went over and started to pet her then one of my close cousins said amy you know if they take her home thatif you dont take her their probably gonna drop her off along the road some where of abuse her so even knowing that i didnt want another dog you know that mommy isnt gonna leave a defenseless little puppy with someone that isnt gonna love her so I brought her home bathed her then took her to doc johnson yesterday she's only 4 months old but her fleas are gone and she's clean. Sissy thinks thatyou sent her to me because she said what are the odds that i would come across another pomerian like that? I feel like i'm betraying you but Raven seems to be attaching herself to daddy and that's ok because you can NEVER be replaced as long as she's in a good home and you know that mommy and daddy will take good care of her. Doc Johnson asked me how i was doing since i lost you and that he knows how much i loved you and miss you i told him about the grief counseling and this website and thank you for giving them to me having those helps but it will never bring you back. Everytime i'm laying in bed i have your blanket and keepsake urn with me no matter what time it is i always hold both of them and when i sleep at night i hold them close to my heart becasue that's what you were MY HEART. Mommy misses you so much. I know that youre never coming back to me until we meet on the Rainbow Bridge and i cant wait for that day, yes i know it sounds selfish and maybe it is, but i do miss you and when god calls me home even though it may be years i'll still look forward to seeing you and holding you again. Mommy loves you and though Raven is here she will NEVER take your place I jsut couldnt see such a small puppy going to a home that she wouldnt be taken care of. Sissy says that I should give it time because i said i dont feel a connection with her and dont think that i will becasue of my love for you but i will still love her and treat her good and take care of her the best me and daddy can but it's not you. Mommy jsut wanted to tell you about Raven and that i love you and miss you and will arite to you again. I LOVE YOU BUBBY.
August 25,2011 Well mommy went to the Dr.s today and had to get 3 shots in my shoulder and they told me that i need to give myself the time to grieve your loss that it's not gonna happen overnight and i know that but it still hurts so much like it was jsut yesterday that i was able to pet you and feel your fur and listen to you barking, everytie alena sees a picture of you she says "P" and we were watching a video of you playing outside with her and hearing your bark on the video hurt but also felt good to be able to still hear it because even if youre not her now with me i still have the videos of you playing and i can watch them anytime i want, which i do alot. Raven is a handful trying to get her trained she's so different from the way you were and i keep comparing her to you, yes i know that she's not you and will never take your place in mommy's heart nothing will replace the love that i had for you bubby. Again i look forward to the day we meet again and this journal is helping, there may be some days that i dont write in it if i'm not feeling well or am not at home but i will continue to keep it in your honor because it was an HONOR having you for the 7yrs that i did and i will keep your memories in my heart forever. I LOVE YOU BUBBY.
Sept. 5,2011 paris mommy is soooo sorry i havent been on your page been sick and been in bed then i started a new a job so it's been hectic. I've missed you so much the last 3 days of called reven by your name and everyone has looked me funny but i can't help it losing you i lost so much it's ben hard but i'm taking day by day. I love you and miss you.
Sept 12,2011 Well bubby it seems like forever since i lost you and the days are blending together i keep calling raven you I misss you sooooo much it hurts. People think that since we adopted raven that the pain of losing you has eased but it hasnt it still feels as sharp as the day GOD called you home to be with your brother. I still sleep with your blanket every night and have your keepsake under my pillow Iwill love you always and miss you until we meet again. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. LOVE YOU BUBBY MOMMY.
Sept. 14,2011 Another day gone by without you here mommy misses you soooo much. The chipmunk is climbing all over me while i'm trying to type, she misses you too everytime she sees yur picture she says "P" and still waits for you to come from underneath the bed when it's her bedtime. Mommy has to work night turn tonight. I started a new job 2 weeks ago because being at home all the time was depressing me even worse so i went and got a job. Also to help out your sissys. They're going to be getting a weiner dog soon. It's going to be an early christmas present from mommy and dadddy. I think that it will really help your sissy Chantel, she's going through some major things and has for almost a year now but hopefully with GOD's help she'll get better soon. Mommy loves you and misses you and think of you every day.
Sept 23,2011 Mommy's been crying for you the last 3 days i slept on the couch last night with your blankey and keepsake cried myself to sleep. Mommy just wishes this was all a dream and i would wake up and you'l be there to lick my face and greet me when i come home even though raven does it it's just not you. I tokd doc johnson yesterday that i keep calling raven you and i dont me to but he said that it will take time andi may never get over losing you and i doubt i will becasue you were so much a part of my life that it just feels empty in my heart and nothing or no one can fill your place. Yes god. But no one in material form Mommy loves you and still misses you like it was yesterday it's been 2 months and 6 days and still feels like yesterday and still feels like my heart is breaking each and every day. There's not a minute that doesnt go by that you are not in my thoughts i just wish i would dream about you more. I only had that 1 dream and i felt comfort from it and 3 days later we found raven everyone says that you sent her to me. I have to go now but will talk to you later. I LOVE YOU PARIS NAD MISS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING. i MEET YOU ONE DAY SOON AT THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. MOMMY
October 19, 2011 Mommy's sorry bubby that i havent wrote on your page for awhil i've been working and have been really sick. I cant believe that it's been 3 months already it still feels like yesterday. The pain will never go away. I still keep calling raven you i just cant help it. I miss you so much. Sissy was showing me pictures thati didnt have of you that she had on her face book page and mommy had to walk away because i started crying just like i am now the tears are rolling sown my cheeks. I pray and wish everyday that you would come back home to me but i know that's not possible but i will see you again some day soon. I'll try to write to you more often but even when i dont know that mommy's thinking of you every second of every day and look forward to the day i see you again. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU. MOMMY. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.
November 15, 2011 Dear bubby, once again mommy hasnt been on here in awhile it's so hard still calling raven you and daddy even called raven you the other day. I'm still sleeping with your receiveing blanket every night it's my comfort. I still can't stop crying it still hurts so much. I wish and want sooo much just to hold you one more time just to be able to hold you again. I can't wait to see you again mommy loves and misses you and will never forget you. I THINK OF YOU EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY. THERE'S NOTHING THAT WILL EVER REPLACE THE VOID AND EMPTINESS IN MY HEART. November 18, 2011 Mommy misses you and loves you bubby and will always love you and youll always be in my memories and heart til the day we meet again. This holiday season will not be tthe same with out you herwe to have thanksgiving and christmas dinner but i'm still going to get you a ornament to put on the tree this year but it will be a memorial one.november 23,2011 Today was a very difficult day for mommy i had to take baby and the 2 weiner puppies that i got for your sissy's as chantel is going through alot of medical problems and i think that having the pups there with her will help her out so much. Anyway during the visit to the 1st question the doc ask me was houw was i doing and i told him hte hurt is still so raw that it feels like yesterday and i had knots in my stomach just taking the drive to the vet becasue i have flash backs of the day i lost you and still beat myself up not staying in there with you but doc said it was for the best because i wouldnt have been able to handle it tomorrow is goingn to be extremely difficult because it's going to be my 1st thanksgiving dinner with out you and i'm used to makng your plate along with the rest of the family's but i'll still make you one. everyone says that as the days pass theat it will get easier but it doesnt seem to be. I dont know what to do anymore i wish that you would come to me in my dreams like you did 3 days before you sent raven to me i told doc johnson that sissy's think that you sent her to me. I'm trying to open up my heart and love her like i did you but it just isnt the same.i'm still calling her you and it's not intentional but at night when i come home and it's dark and she's at the door waiting on me and barking and jumping on me it reminds me of what you always did if i went somewhere i knew when i came home that you would always be laying by the front door waiting on me. Mommy misses you so much and even cried at doc johnson office when he asked me how i was doing and i broke down but he told me he truly knew how much i loved you and that i'ts gonna take time. but i know in my heart that i'll never forget you and probably never be able to let you go . I'll say a special prayer for you tomorrow when we sit down for dinner and know that easn and every holiday that you will never be forgotten and always remember as long as mommy lives. I love you so much and miss you bubby and i thought that by now that the hurt would have eased somewhat but it hasnt and i just wish that i could hold you and play with you one more time. mommy will continue to update your profile and throughout the days, months and years to come because you were such a pillar of strentgh and my life and got me through soooo much that i dont think that anyone will ever understand except for you and i. LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BUBBY AND WILL CARRY YOURE MEMORY WITH ME IN MY HEART AND SOUL FOREVER. November 29, 2011- Well buddy today alena is 3 and Thanksgiving was very hard for mommy it was my 1st thanksgiving with out you I was so used to making your own plate for you and it was hard knowing that i wasnt able to do it for you this year. Christmas s going to be exspecially hard but i'm going to buy you a memorial ornament to hang in your memory. We're at grandma's with raven and the puppies beau and harley that mommmy bought for sissy. you should see them buddy you would like them I love and miss you. When i took the puppies to the vet for their 1st appt. doc johnson ask me how i was doing and i told him i was still having a very difficult time and he knows that he said that its gonna take time but as people say that time heals all wounds but i feel as if my heart will never heal. Raven has been trying so hard and i still keep calling her by your name and i'm trying to open my heart to her but a part of me is afraid that if I do that that will mean i have to let you go and i just cant. Maybe one day i'll be able to but i'm just not ready to right now. Raven is turning into how you were with mommy like she knows the difference from when i'm getting dressed to leave the house or just getting dressed for the day and lays by the door and waits for me to come home and she's waiting by the door when i come home from work. mommy's gonna go for now but will write to you again later i love you and miss you buddy and am thankful for the 7 years that god gave me with you to love and cherish you and all the terriric memories i have of you. December 19, 2011 Well buddy it's been 5 months and 2 days since god called you home and it's also not to many more days til christmas. I hung your ornaments at the top of the tree just like i did every year that you were here, i'm also making a memorial one for you. The tears are roling down my face as i type this to you, i know that youre watching over me and miss me to but mommy just cant let you go the pain hurts so much. I've been trying to get on your page from my phone while i'm at work and have a break finally figured out how but there are a few glitches still. I know i should write to you more oftern and maybe that would help but i'm working 2 different shifts and alot of hours now2 2 people in the family passed away this week and grandma ruby isnt fairing well they are giving her a week, still .... Mommy just wanted to let you know that this christmas is going to be very difficult because you are not here with me your pictures are still inteh car and in my room and maybe you can give me some kind of clue as to where your 1st baby picure is the 11 x14 one that i had the photographer take your 1st christmas i cant find it any where. Mommy loves and misses you bubby. December 23, 2011 Well bubby grandma ruby passed away at 7:30 this morning and uncle charlie passed away thursday and sissy's aunt died on monday. Think of you still every minute and with it being this close to christmas mommy hurts knowing that you are not here to celebrate it with me. Like i told you though mommy hung your ornaments at the top of the tree and you memorial one i still have to hang . I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH AND KNOW THAT I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY. MERRY CHRISTMAS BUBBY. January 15, 2012 Well bubby mommy wasnt sure i was gonna make it through christmas without you, i hung your ornaments and put you picture on the tv beside the tree so i could share it with you at least if you werent here in now you were in my heart and in mky memories. There isnt a day that goes by that i dont miss you and think of you still in 2 days it will be a6 months since god called you home mommy will never forget you and even though i'm not able to get on you page as much as i would like to because i'm working 40 plus hours a week and most of them are night turn and i sleep most of the day when i get home and have to turn around and do it all over again the following day but it keeps me busy but never think that i've forgotten you because i'm not writing on your page i love and miss you buddy. love MOMMY January 16, 2012 Well buddy tomorrow at 8:13 p.m. it will be 6 months since you've been gone, this morning when i went to go pick up sissy I was thinking of you and when i got there she handed me pictures that she had found of you that i had forgot i had and that she had them it was funny because i was thinking about you aloooot this morning more so than i usually do and that she gave me those pictures of you made me think that you knew how much mommy was missing you and wanted to send me a sign that you knew i was hurting. THANK YOU BUDDY, tomorrow is going to be very difficult and i work midnight on top of it but knowing that i will one day see you again is a day i look forward to. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU PARIS. I WILL DEFINATELY BE WRITING TO YOU TOMORROW. LOVE MOMMY January 17,2012 well buddy it exactly 2 hours and 8 minutes it will be 6 months since you've been gone and god called you home. mommy will be lighting a candle in your memory for you. Iwas talking to a lady i work with about you this morning and got choked up when i was talking to her and she said amy it's ok, i miss you so much buddy and although everyone keeps telling me it will get easier with time that doesnt seem to be the case right now it fells like the pain of losing you will never ease.And maybe i dont want it to because then that will mean i'm letting you go and i'm just not ready to do that. Every time i go to the vet with one of the other animals doc johnson asks me how i'm doing with your loss and it's always the same answer as best as i can but it still hurts soooo much. MOMMY LOVES AND MISSES YOU AND I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU BUBBY. February 15,2012 MOMMY LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU SO MUCH BUDDY IN 2 DAYS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WILL B E 7 MONTHS ALREADY IT JUST SEEMS LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY THAT YOU WERE HERE AND GIVING ME KISSES AND DOING THE PONIES OUTSIDE. YOU WILLNEVER EVER BE FORGOTTEN BUDDY I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL. THEY SAY THAT AS THE DAYS PASS IT WILL GET EASIER BUT IT JUST SEEMS TO BE GETTING HARDER FOR ME. NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DONT THINK OF YOU I CALLED RAVEN YOU AGAIN YESTERDAY, I KNOW IT' NOT HER FAULT AND I'M REALLY TRYING TO BOND WITH HER BUT IT'S SO HARD BECAUSE A PART OF ME FEELS THAT IF I DO THEN I'LL BE LETTING YOU GO AND RIGHT NOW I'M JUST NOT READY TO DO THAT. I LOVE YOU BUDDY April 17,2012 Well buddy it seems like forever since i've been on here and yes it has been a couple of months mommy has been working soooo much I know that's not an excuse but today marks 9 months since God called you to the Rainbow Bridge and it still feels like it was just yesterday. Daddy has had a rough week remember his Dad passed on April 14the just one day after his birthday almost like you did and on the 22nd it'll be 2 years that your brother Isaac has been gone we all miss you both alot. Raven has been staying up mommys' butt just like you did. Ive been starting to take her with me when i go somewhere just like i did you. Remeber that whenever mommmy went somewhere you went with me i even took you in the grocery store with me when you were just a baby but of course i had to leave hte busted me in the check out but that's ok. i have so many precious memories of you buddy and thank you for sending me Raven. Your sissy's tell me all the time that you sent her to me because when god finally allowed me to finally dream of you 3 days later was when we found raven abandoned festered in fleas and in need of a mommy and daddy to take care of her and love her just like we did you. Mommy still sleeps with your blanket and you keepsake urn under my pillow and will continue to. I love you and miss you and will see you again one day buddy. MOMMY LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU. May 13, 2012 WELL BUDDY TODAY IS MOTHERS DAY AND 1ST ONE WITHOUT YOU HERE BUT YOUR SISSY'S GIFTS INCLUDED A PART OF YOU A NECKLACE, KEEPSAKE BOX AND PICTURES OOF YOU THAT I HAD FORGOT THAT I HAD OF COURSE MOMMY CRIED ALOT. DADDY GOT ME A CARD FROM RAVEN AND IT WAS NICE BUT I STILL CRIED BECAUSE YOURE NOT HERE. I KNOW THAT I SHOULD HAVE MOVED ON BY NOW BUT IT STILL HURTS SO MUCH. I KNOW THAT IT WAS YOU THAT SENT RAVEN TO ME AND YOU WOULDNT WANT ME TO KEEP HURTING BUT I JUST CANT LET YOU GO AND DONT THINK I EVER WILL. ASIDE FROM YOUR DADDDY SISSYS AND CHIPMUNK YOU WERE THE 1ST THING THAT I THINK I GAVE MY WHOLE HEART TO AND YOU LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY. tHERE'S GONNA BE A NEW GUY NAMED DEEBO UP THERE WITH YOU HE'S A BLUE TICK PITBULL SHOW HIM AROUND HIS MOMMY LOST HIM ON TUESDAY UNDER SOME MESSED UP CIRCUMSTANCES BUT I TOLD HER THAT HE'D BE UP THERE WITH YOU NOW.SISSY FOUND ALOT OF PICTURES OF YOU AND AS MOMMY WAS LOOKING BACK AT THEM MEMORIES OF YOU JUST FLOODED MY HEART AND SOUL. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL. July 11, 2012 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY. July 17,2012 It's been 1 year today since god called you home buddy and there isnt a day that goes by that mommy hasnt thought about you. This week has been really hard because it was you birthday and you know mommy would buy you a cake and sing happy birthday to you I love you so much and miss you more than any of these words can say. I'm sorry that i havent been on here as often as i would like to be but i've been working so much these past 2 weeks i've already put almost 90 hours in at work already.Tonight I will light a candle in your memory even though i will be working it isnt going to stop me they can fire me before they tell me i cant light a candle in your memory. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BUDDY. LOVE YOUR MOMMY september 21,2012 Well buddy I know that it's been a couple months since i've been on you to write to you an update you on things that have been going on in mommylife and the rest of the familys. I quite my job almost 4 weeks ago because alena had to have surgery and she was having some problems and i needed to report off work and my boss was like no i need you to come to work that's what her mothers for and I flat out told her Alena has been with me from the time she came home from the hosital so i drove up to work and told them I quite, you know mommy family comes first. But on a positivenot yu would be really proud of mommy I went back to school to get my ged then go to college for crimianl jusic ubtu havent decided what part of that i want to do yet ut I qouls likw for it to be in animal area pr something to do with children. Also for the last2 weeks we have been going through things in the basement and you wouldnt believe the stuf of yours that i found. IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND I CRIED. I MISS YOU SO MUCH EVERYDAY THEY SAY THAT TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS WITH TIME BUT MY WOUND STILL FEELS LIKE IT STILL WIDE OPEN. sINCE I'VE WENT THROUGH THE THINGS IN TH BASEMENT I KEEP CALLING RAVEN YOU I CANT HELP IT. aND ANOTHER THING ISVTHAT ALENAHASBEENTALKING TO YU WHILE SHE'S OUTSIDE LIKE SHE CAN SE YOU SHE STARTED DOING TIS ABOUT A MONTH AGO, EVERYONE TINKS THAT SHE SEES YOUR SPIRIT AND I TRU;Y BE;OEVE THAT I JUST WISH THAT I COULD I CAN FEEL YOUR PRESENCEAT HOME AND IN THE CARCAUSE THOSE ARE THE 2 PLACES THAT YU ALWAYSWERE RAVEN EVEN LAYSIN THE SAMESPOT THAT YOU DID WHEN YU WOULD BE OUT THERE CHILLING WITH ME. sISSY IS READY FOR ME TO TAKE HER SHOPPING NOW S I HAVE TO END TIS FOR NOW BUT I WILL WRITE TO YOU LATER. I LOVE YOU AND MISSYOU BUBBY AND MY HEART IS ALWAYS WITH YOU AND WILL BE FOREVER. LOVE YOU MOMMY. September 25, 2012 well bubby at least it's only been a few days since i[ve wrote to yo and it's goingto be short but sweet cause i'm taking sissy to pput in job applications. I love you and miss you and can't wait to see you again it may be a while or it may not be for some time but we will meet in again when GOD calls me home . Love you and miss you and will write to you again soon. Even though you're not here being able to write to you on this site helps mommy alot . Love you mommyDecember 17, 2012 Bubby I am soooo sorry that it's been 3 months that i have been on here to talk to you it's not that you werent on my mind but there's been sooo much going on at home. i'm still callling raven you and still talk about you all the time and christmas just doesnt seem the same since youve been gone but i still put your stocking up and your ornaments are at the top of the tree with your brothers and mama's and peanuts and simba's and bens. Even though you all are waiting for mommy at the rainbow bridge youre still very much apart of our family. I love you soooo much and miss you even more than mere words can exspress they say as the days pass that the pain will become more barable but it still feels like yesterday that me and you were taking a ride and you were sitting on my lap with your head out the window catching the breeze. Weve been talking about your brother alot to lately and how much we miss you both, but i know one day soon we all will be together again. And on a much more somber note we found out the belle has cancer and she suffered 2 strokes but doc johnson said that she's a fighter and she perservering through it all. But she may be joining you and your brother and simba, ben,mama and peanut soon. I love you and still miss you from the depth of my soul and will see you when GOD chooses to call me home. LOVE MOMMYJanuary 20, 2012, Whoever said it gets easier i thnk they musta been seriously wrong because the hurtthat i feel still today isnt any less than the day i lost you. Daddy called raven you the other day he still misses you to but no one does like mommmy.Alena looks up at your pictures everyday and says there's paris it's hard to believe that she still remembers you since she was only 2 when we lost you but she even talks to you when she's playing outside i told daddy that i think she sees you and is playing with you. We all miss your brother Isaac too tell him we miss him to. Mommy's been having some realy difficult times lately and since you ve been gone and i wish so much that you were here because you loved me unconditionally. I've been up off and on all night now for the last few weeks. I LOVE YOU AND MISSS YOU BUDDY AND WILLL SEE YOU ONE DAY SOON. LOVE MOMMY March 13,2013 Well buddy I know that it's been awhile since i've been on here but you know that i still talk to you every day. Alena was pointing to your pictures on my bedroom wall the other day and ask me where you were and i told her in heaven and put my hand on my heart and said he's right here too and always will be then she ask the weirdest question Did I love Raven? I told her yes that i loved raven but not like i do/did you. It's just not the same. Istill cry and your sissys try and change the subject but your memory and the time that we had together was cut way to short and it still hurts like it was just yesterday. I love nd miss you so much. I ant wait for the day that I'm able to stroke your fur and have you give me yur kisses like only you could. MOMMY LOVES YOU March 19, 2013 had to take belie to see doc johnson yesterday becasue she was bleeding alooooooot and stll notsure where it came from but he bandaged her up and she's still hanging in there doc says she's a trooper. then on our wasy home frm GG sunchay some young kids hopped up on alchol or drugs threwa brick a mommys car with alena and jr in it it's c]gonna cost 674.00 just for th eside view mirrow and 3 small scratchs on the drivers side door is that f'd up or not that god it wasnt a split later because the brick wouldve hit alenas side window.Dadddy anbd i jsut can't get ahead. I've been talking about you aloooot lately. I miss you so much. I've been up since 3 a.m. couldnt sleep and have aloooot of things to get accomplished today . but just wanted to write to you and tell you that i miss you sooooo very mjuch and love you. LOV MOMMY
May 11,2013 Hello buddy it's been a couple months since i've wrote to you and as usual alooooot has been going on. daddy hasnt been home that much as usual alena has been getting so big she still looks at your pictures that i have hanging in my bedroom and talks about you and knows how much i miss you. Raven and harley are a handful not so much raven as harley because harley is very needy, i cant even try and give raven attention without harley trying to jump on me and i do try and give tehm both the same amount of attention but when it's ravens turn harleystill wants attention. Neither one of them are you and it's just not the same as when you were here. I try to love them like i did you but my heart just isnt letting me. I cant believe it will be 2 years that you've been gone it seems just like yesterday that's how much it still hurts they say time heals all wounds but it still hasnt got any easier. JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU STILL SO MUCH. July 17,2013 It's been 2yrs. today since you've been gone. I woke up at 6:49 a.m. this morning and went out on the porch with my coffee and took your pictures that i have in frames on the wall in my room of you and set them up and took your urn, collar, blanket, favorite shirt and favorite toy and your memory candle that I burn every year for you or even when i've really missing you which is alot. I let it burn for over an hour i was going to just burn it for 7 minutes for each year you were with me which would have only been 49 minutes but I wanted it to burn longer for you. If it were my choice i would let it burn always. Ive been thinking of getting an eternal flame candle to have. And I still keep calling raven you even though I know it's not you no one can replace my heart. On the 12th of july we were in at grandma and alena and I wee sitting on her front porch and out of the blue she said to me mom can you go get paris? I told her that I could'nt because you were in heaven with GOD and she said well go get him it's hard to explain to a 4yr old about god and death and heaven. Then she said well tell raven to go get him and again I tried to explain that she couldnt. THen she told me again demanding MOM GO GET HIM I WANT TO SEE HIM AND I MISS HIM, I TOLD HER MOM DOES TO BUT WE'LL SEE HIM AGAIN ONE DAY AND SHE SAID I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW GO GET HIM. It took all my strength to not break down and start crying. I just couldnt believe that she just started talking about you out of the blue 5 days before the anniversary of losing you. I seen Doc johnson last month when we had to have belle put down because her cancer got to bad and she stopped eating and was losing alot of weight but he said that he thought that when we brought her in last march that he didnt think that she would last 2 months but lastedd 14 months. She was a fighter he said. mommy wishes that you would've fought but I couldnt stand to see you suffer your quality of lie was more important to me. Charae stayed in the room with her cause i just couldnt do it mommy wishes now more than ever that i would have stayed with you so my face was the last one that you seen but Doc johnson said that he didnt think it would have been a good idea because remember I told you that him and daddy thought they were going to have to call and ambulance for me and I wasnt even in the room with you but that is my biggest regret i shouldve been strong enough for you to stay with you that guilt eats at my soul. I've ask GOD for his forgivness and now I'm asking again for yours mommy is so sorry that I didnt stay with you, I SHOULD HAVE. THERE WAS NO EXCUSE WHY I DIDNT I JUST DID'NT THINK I COULD IT WAS HARD ENOUGH WHEN WE WENT TO THE FUNERAL HOME DADDY HAD TO PHYSICALLY YELL AT ME STERNLY AND PRY YOU FROM ME BECAUSE I JUST DIDNT WANT TO LET YOU GO. STILL DON'T. Everyone keeps telling me that it's been 2 yrs to get over it that i have raven now but she's not you. yes, i do love her and am tryin to bond with her but i just can't seem to get that connection that i had with you and probably never will of course it doesnt help that everytime i try and give her individal attention harley nudges her way in. She was supposed to be the twins dog but her and beau kept fighting really bad to where they were drawing blood so we had to keep harley here until her and beau got fixed and it still took a couple of months for them to finally be able to be in the same room but alena got attached to her and she's been here since. Adventually I am going to get another pom that looks like you and same size and i want to call him PJ but daddy and everyone except the twins say that it's not you so that I shouldnt name him that because actually it stands for paris jr.. Mommy has to have ear surgery within the next few weeks because i found out i have a hole in my right ear drum. Mommy's health isnt the greatest but i'm managing. I just have alot of medical problems so maybe i'll see you sooner that later. No my problems arent life threatening but when you have surgery there's always the issue with something going wrong. After that I have to have all my teeth pullled and mommy isnt to fond on that issue also still having major back problems, it just keeps getting worse. I know that this is long but mommy jsut wanted to talked to you on your 2 yr anniversay and let you know all that's been going on at home. I know that you're up there messing with all the big dogs cause the twins always said you had small dog syndrome. But at least you have Isaac, simba, ben, mamma, peanut and now belle. Also frank, lou, precious, and knute. I'M GOING TO CLOSE FOR NOW CAUSE ALENA IS STARTING TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU AND WHY I'M ON THE COMPUTER TALKING TO YOU. aGAIN SHE SAID GO GET HIM SO I HAVE TO GO BEFORE I START CRYING. MOMMY LOVES AND MISSES YOU, AND I'LL SEE YOU SOON AUGUST 9, 2013 MOMMY HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU AND GRANDPA TOM AND ISAAC 4 DAYS AGO. IT WAS SAD BUT YOU TOLD ME IN THE DREAM THAT YOU SENT RAVEN TO ME BECAUSE I WAS SO SAD FROM LOSING YOU I APPRECIATE IT BUT SHE'S NOT YOU BUT MOMMY STILL LOVES HER. i'VE BEEN MISSING YOU MORE THAN USUAL LATELY WE TOOK BEAU TO SEE DOC JOHNSON AND HE ASK ME HOW I WAS DOING AND I SAID I STILL CRY AND MISS YOU AND HE WONT PUT IN IN ROOM 1 BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT WAS THE ROOM I LOST YOU IN. HE SAID I'M ONE OF HIS FAVORITE ANIMAL PEOPLE BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT MY ANIMALS. I WANT TO TRY AND WRITE TO YOU MORE OFTEN BUT ITS NOT THE SAME AS HAVING YOU HERE WITH ME BUT JUST REMEMBER ONE DAY I WILL GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN. AND WHEN GOD CALLS ME HOME DADDY AND SISSYS ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU ARE TO BE PUT IN MY CASKET WITH ME AND BURIED WITH ME. MOMMY LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU SOOOO VERY MUCH I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BUDDY. LOVE MOMMY
October 4' 2013- Well bubby everyone tells me it gets easier as the years pass but that doesn't seem to be happening yes it has eased but barely. I still can't stop calling raven by you're name daddy and Billy has even done it. I wish you could see how big Alena has gotten. Itild daddy that no matter what I ail get my male tea-cup sable just like you no matter what he says. I still look at your pictures that I have hanging on the wall on my side of the bed. I remember taking you to have them done at the studio every year or on a holiday. I stills can't find your 11x14 of your Christmas one the first one I had taken.If you know where it's at please give mommy some kind of clue besides the one of you in your bath robe with your grubby ducky that one was my favorite. It's only 6 a.m but lately I haven't been sleeping that good. I have to have surgery with-in the next month to haveall my teeth cut out but having a time with the insurance company. BUDDY I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU FOR AWHILE CAUSE I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH. I have a hard time even looking under my bed because I keep flashing back to your last day with me n you werslaying on the floor under mybed and I was laying beside you and just kept telling you to hold kn tip doc Johnson called so we could take you to see him and you held on for me but wasn't prepared when you couldn't even hardly stand up and I knew when doc looked at me and said Amy it's time.I JUST WISH I WOILD HAVE STAUED WITH UOU SO MY FACE COULD'VE BEEN THE LAST RHING UOU SEEN BEFORE YOUR EYES CLOSED BUT DADDY AND DOC JOHNSON SAID ME NOT BEING JN THE ROOM WAS FOR THE BEST BECAUSE I WOULD'VE ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL MYSELF SO I JUST SCREAMED LIKE I NEVER HAVE BEFORE AND DADDY EVEN CRIED. BUT FROM NOW ON I'M NOT GONNA REHASH TJE HEARTACHE I'M GONNA START TALKING ABOUT ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BUDDY AND I'M SOOOO THANKFUL TO THE PERSON TJAT MADE THIS WEB PAGE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE ARE ALOOOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ARE GREIVING JUST LIKE I AM AND IT GIVES THEM A PLACE TO GO WHEN THEY WANT TO TALK OR WRITE TI THEIR LOVED ONE THEU LOST. AND I LOST YOU WAAAAAYTO SOON. LOVE MOMMY

March 1, 2014 Hey bubby sorry it's been so long since i've talked to you alot has been going on wtih mommy alena has been really sick. She talks about you all the time and asks where you are and i tell you that your in heaven with grandpa tom and ben, isaac, simba, sirobi,belle, and peanut. Yesterday i was out with sissy and seen a dog that looked just like you only he was shaved but mommy started crying cause i miss you so much still. I know that i have Raven and she loves me alot and sleeps with me all the time but it just isnt you. I know that sounds selfish of me but no one will ever replace you. I can't wait til the day comes that i'll meet you on the rainbow bridge and be able to feel your fur against my face and feel your kisses on my face too. Actually mommy will get to see all your brothers and sisters. That's when I'll know that i'm in heaven becasue i be able to hold and feel all my baby's again. alot of people don't believe in the afterlife or that animals don't have souls and dont go to heaven but I DONT BELIEVE THAT CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT YOUR PAP PAP IS A MINISTER AND HE SAYS THAT THERE IS A AFTERLIFE, sISSY EVEN WATCHED A SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE THAT HAVE ALMOST DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN ONLY TO COME BACK BECAUSE GOD SAID IT WASNT THEIR TIME TO GO YET AND ONE LADY SAID THAT ON EVERY STEP GOING UP THE STEPS TO HEAVEN THAT THE STEPS WERE LINED WITH EVERYONES ANIMALS THAT HAVE PASSED ON SO I KNOW THAT I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN. MOMMY LOVES AND MISSES YOU. I LOVE YOU MORE TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. LOVE MOMMY I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON BUDDY AND NO I'M NOT SAYING GOODBYE BECAUSE TO ME THAT WOULD ME I'VE LET YOU GO AND I JUST CAN'T DO THAT YET AND AM NOT SURE IF I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO AND EVERYONE SAYS THAT I NEED TO LET YOU GO BUT I JUST CAN'T. DOC JOHNSON UNDERSTAND HE SAYS I'LL PROBABLY NEVER LET GO OF YOU AND HE'S RIGHT BECASUE I NEVER WILL YOU WERE THE ONE THING BESIDES DADDY, THE GIRLS AND ALENA AND MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS THAT I LOVED MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND LOSING YU PUT A VOID IN MY HEART AND I'M AFRAID TO LOVE ANOTHER ANIMAL LIKE I DID YOU CAUSE IT HURTS TO MUCH. AND KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR UNCLE WALLACE HE'S NOT DOING SO WELL AND UNCLE CHRIS SAYS THAT HE'LL BE JOINING YOU SOOON SO YOU AND ISAAC SHOW HIM THE ROPES. HUGS AND KISSES MOMMY May 10, 2014 Dear Paris on May 8,2014 uncle chris' golden retreiver wallas passed away so please make sure your and your brother Isaac meet him at the rainbow bridge and show him around I told Uncle Chris and Anne that you guys would be there to greet Wallace. For the past couple of weeks I've been calling Raven you on a regular basis I thought I was getting better and corrected myself but your name just comes out without thinking. Mommy still misses you soooo very much I wish you were here. But slas you're not and I know the pain will get easier one day that day just isn't today and who knows how long it will be before that day comes. I love you and miss you and your bother both. HUGS AND KISSES MOMMy. July 19,2014 sorry that I'm 2 days late but writing you on the death of your anniversary but mommy was sick and fell asleep but at 7:42 a.m. I burnt your memory candle this morning til the time y out passed. And at your run outside with me and played some music. I can't believe it's been 3 years and 2 days everyone thinks I'm crazy but if people truly knew in their hearts how much you meant to me they wouldn't JUDGE me. I still keep calling raven you I just can't help it my neighbors even have. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for missing your anniversary. I should've made myself stay awake but mommy hasn't been in the best of health so who knows maybe mommy will meet you at the rainbow bridge sooner rather than later. I love. You and miss you with all my heart and soul and being. I'll see you soon buddy. LOVE MOMMY October 1, 2014 Sorry bubby that it's been a few months that I've wrote to you but again so much as been going on with mommy. I miss you so much and even though I have Raven and now Harley which was sissy'd dog her and Beau kept fighting and I had to keep her at our house after she got fixed we ended up keeping her cause Alena got attached to her and daddy wouldn't let me give her back. I told him that I WILL HAVE ANOTHER RED SABLE colored male Pomeranian in the next couple years it's not that I'm trying to replace you but I want another male and raven and Harley are females and as much as I've tried I can't seem to bond with them like I did you Paris. I'm just not a female dog person but I do love them just not the same as I did you. I don't think no one will ever take your place. I still after 3 years slip all the time and call raven by your name, even billy our neighbor still calls raven paris at times. and Diesel misses you a lot Harley and raven don't like him and they are so much more aggressive towards people than you and your brother Isaac ever were, people can't even come in or by the fence with out their hackles rising. I wish there was a way to bring you back to me but we will be together again one day. I recently made out my last will and testament and in it I put that you were to be put in my casket and buried with me. And i'll be waiting for you to greet me at the Rainbow Bridge with your brother Isaac, samba ben sirobi belle and peanut. You were the only one that I had cremated. because I wanted you at the house with me. I have all of your pictures that I had taken at the studio of you in picture frames hanging on one entire side of my bedroom wall and the smaller ones are on my dresser mirror and dresser alena looks at them all the time. recently we were watching videos on the computer from when alena was little and their are videos of you on there and everytime I see you and can hear you playing and barking I start crying cause I misss you soooooooo much. there isn't as day that goes by that my heart doesn't hurt. I want my heart back. every since god called you home it hasn't been the same. Every year on the anniversary of your passing I put all your pictures out and burn the big candle that grandma gave me and let it burn for all the time I had you and my life yes I'm thankful for the 7 years that god gave me with you and treasure them but I feel like I was cheated because you had so much more time and life in you. you weren't ready to go. I blame myself every day because if I wouldn't have given you all those treats and people food maybe you'd still be here with me and that's something that eats at me all the time. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU PARIS AND MY HEART I THINK WILL NEVER HEAL WITH LOSING YOU THEY SAY THAT TIME HEALS ALL HURT AND WOUNDS BUT MY ARE STILL WAY TO FRESH. I KNOW PEOPLE TELL ME THAT I NEED TO LET YOU GO BUT KNOW THIS PARIS I NEVER NEVER EVER WILL . UNTIL THE DAY I SEE YOU AGAIN JUST REMEMBER ,P,,Y LOVES AND MISSES YOU AND I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN. MOST SCEPTICS SAY THAT DOGS DONT GO TO HEAVEN AND HAVE NOT AFTER LIFE BUT I BELIEVER DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN AND CANT WAIT TO THE DAY THAT I CAN FEEL YOUR KISSES AND FUR ON MY FACE. AND THE KISSES THAT YOU GAVE ME ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN DADDDY AND YOUR SISSY WOULD SAUY IT WAS GROSS WHEN I LET YOU GIVE ME KISSES ON MY MOUTH AND LET YOU EAT FOOD OUT OF IT I DIDNT CARE. I LOVE YOU BUDDY AND WILL WRITE TO YOU SOON. My dearest Paris, I'm sorry it's been to very long that I've written to you today is June 1st, 2016. Alena has gotten so big and still looks at the sky At night and,tells you HI and that her and I miss you. Everyone of your BROTHER'S and SISTERS are up there with you now except BOO BEAR. We lost RIPTO last year. He's the last of the mohicans. I still call RAVEN you. Your turn is on my nightstand now and no longer the dresser all your photographs are on my side of the bed above your run . It's 3o'clock in the morning and I'm at grandma's.Jessica and Alena are asleep in the next room. I'll make sure to tell her I talked to you.I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN AND FEEL YOUR FUR ON MY FACE AND TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOU. I LOVE AND MISS YOU. LOVE MOMMY.