Panther is in Doggy Heaven.

Panther

Age 13, June 26, 1998 - April 07, 2012

May the breeze always blow gently in your face & my love for you beat strongly within your heart.

Nickname: Big Boy, Fuzzy, Punkin

My boy Panther was supposedly one of a pack of husky pups. As you can see from his picture, he ain't no husky. :-) I got him at the local SPCA. When I first passed his kennel he was the only black pup in the pen and he was chewing on one of his "brother's" ears. I thought he was a cutie. When I came back around the second time he sat all alone from his pack and that is what got me. His deep, soulful, expressive eyes that he's always possessed.

My first month with Panther was a little trying. He pee'ed everywhere and I lived in a 3rd floor apartment in the city so taking him out at all hours of the night wasn't the safest idea, but we made it work. He chewed straight through my wooden coffee table and hated his crate.

But...even that first month was filled with lots of joy. He was a cute little fella and always was sweet. Panther didn't have a mean bone in his body. Even when his little puppy teeth landed on my arms he never bit down hard.

His first toy was given to him by Aunt Michele - a white bear with a squeaky toy inside (for about 30 minutes before it was promptly ripped out). It was bigger than him and snow white - the opposite of him.

He quickly became a big fan of the car because he came with me EVERYWHERE. He was my co-pilot literally and figuratively. He loved to come with me to visit my parents and their nice big yard and pond, my friend's houses, to work, to the grocery store...basically anywhere mommy was going, Panther was ready to go!

Just around his 1st birthday, Panther had his first epileptic seizure. At the time I had no idea what was happening but it terrified me. I called my veterinarian brother who lived out of state and he told me what was likely happening. I took him to the local vet who confirmed our suspicion. That night was the first of many, many, many more to come.

Over the years Panther developed a number of veterinarian relationships. Everywhere I moved and/or any new ailment that came about (swallowing a rope toy and needing 2 surgeries, little infections here and there, geriatric vestibular, kidney disease, and of course neurologists for his seizures) he warmed a lot of hearts and obtained a lot of great care.

Despite his spotty medical record, Panther lived a very full life. He was seldom left alone and this made him a social butterfly. He greeted everyone with a smile and a wag (not making him the top choice for guard dog of the year, but that's OK). He loved to go on walks at Robert E. Lee Park, the NCR trail, out at the Ma & Pa Trail or even just around the neighborhood.

One might think that with his frail health he was weak. No way. My boy was STRONG! He would pull his leash just enough to let you know which direction he really wanted to go in. But if it wasn't in the cards for Mom, he'd ease up and follow along nicely. He was great off of his leash too. Around the yard or even at parks, he never strayed too far from mommy's sight. He would look back at me as if to say, "OK, there you are. Just checking."

I think this is one of the hardest things for me right now...feeling like he's still looking for me. It makes me sad and I'd never want him to think I left him alone. I never want him to be sad or scared or hurting or lonely. :-( That's why I posted on this site...to remind myself that neither of us are alone in our loss.

Over the years we fought his seizures together and even had a full 3 year reprieve from those damn things. But they crept up again but we had a lot of fun in between them, never letting them get the best of us.

Although it was the epilepsy that ultimately took my Big Boy from me and the rest of us who knew and love him still, I'm so glad that I allowed him to have a drug-free final month. I'm not sure I had ever seen him so alive, bright-eyed, energetic and truly happy and free except for maybe his first year as a puppy. Like bookends...the beginning and end of his life were what seem to be his finest moments. Of course all of the many years in between I will cherish as well - the way he liked to come into the bathroom every morning and watch me pee; the way he knew when I was sad and he'd come over and sit down near me on the sofa and look up at me with his big brown eyes and lick my tears; the way he would consistently choose stinky pond water over filtered clean water; the way he'd be curious with cats and birds and ducks but never show any signs of aggression; the way his little ears would bounce when he trotted down the sidewalk...any many, many more little things that probably only I would recall...but they made Panther, Panther.

His black fur transitioned to gray and his once fast gait slowed down, but his sweetness always remained. It was those sweet eyes that I watched fade on April 7th, 2012 that is difficult for me to shake out of my head. I hope and pray I made the right decision on his behalf. I hope he knows that if I didn't think it was time, I would have continued to fight for him. But I do think that his last month of vim and vigor was his way of saying, "I'm going to go out fighting and having had some fun!" I just think that at the age of nearly 98, he was tired of fighting. I don't blame him not for a second. But it sure his hard on those left behind.

I miss him everyday.

My parents bought him a white dogwood tree. We're going to plant it in his honor and memory this weekend after I get his ashes back, which will go into the earth in my backyard so I can see him from nearly every angle of the house. I will take a little of him to all of his favorite places and keep part of him inside the house with me too. The physical tangibility will help my healing I hope. And his love and spirit will forever be in my heart.

I love you Panther. My "Big Boy". My best friend. My fuzzy son.
XOXOXO
-Mommy