Gigi is in Doggy Heaven.

Gigi

Age 16, ~1996 - April 30, 2012

You are so special, so unique, words could never explain.

Nickname: Cheerio, Nui, Sweetie Pea, Chili, Chi-Chi

You are the only one who I can be ridiculous around. You watch me make weird/random gestures, respond to all the silly nicknames, listen to me make all sorts of noises like a non-human, you never get tired of me feeding you and telling you how cute you are. I could never pet you enough and I know that I could have given you more love and attention, but you never hated me, never judged me. I could be 200% of myself around you and I loved that!! No one could truly understand me the way you do and you’ve seen it all. And there is no possible way for me to explain our relationship to anyone.

I know how much you hate it when I try to remove your eye crispies and you always move away when I try to kiss your nose. I love your wet little nose. I love your floppy ears and everything about you. You know that, cuz I tell you all the time. When everyone else was feeding you the same treats day after day, month after month, I would try to get you something new, something fun. When I made your lunch (human food+dog food) I tried to make it so all the dog food had a touch of human flavor because I know you hate eating dog food. I think it’s so cute when you spit out what was in your mouth and just eat the meat and leave your kibbles on the floor.

I keep remembering about how feels when I’d hover over you when you’re sleeping: curled into a ball or laying straight out…you were so warm and I would just listen to you breathe and smell you and kiss you endlessly. I keep trying to remember how it feels to pet you, especially when I was saying goodbye. It funny, I actually miss your stinky smell. The sound your nails make when you’re walking is the cutest noise in the world. I’ll never forget how you used to try to sleep on the steps of the stairs even though you were too big. And when you were younger, you’d lay your head on my lap. You were never one to sleep in my lap, but that’s ok.

I knew when something was going to happen that afternoon. I was assuming you were going to the vet’s to be examined. I knew it was weird when Brother asked if I hugged and kissed you goodbye. Even though you rejected me, I should have tried harder to hold onto you. I had a feeling that would be the last time I’d see you, but for some reason, there was a small gleam of hope that you would come back a few hours later.

I actually imagined the scene when you’d fall asleep forever: the way I’d hug you, how I’d kiss you, the way I’d hold you, the things I would say, the happy voice I would use, the song I would sing to you (Soft Kitty). The day before today , Brother and I wanted to take you to the park. When you didn’t want to get into the car, I knew it was because you had a stressful day, you were weak, you were tired. You did many things against your will that day at the vet’s office and I would never force you to do something you don’t want to. It’s a shame I didn’t get to take you to the park because Brother and Sister always took you to the same one. I even told them to take you to the new one I found and I would constantly remind them, but still you returned the old one every time. I would have taken you to the new one ya know? Please believe me.

I was furious this afternoon, knowing that Brother let you go and not telling me. I even texted friends saying that I would hate him forever if that happened. I was home all day today. I was going to interrupt your vet’s visit to be with you. But inside, I was hoping you would come home soon. I should have listened to my instincts. I’m mad Brother never texted me after the million texts I sent him while he was with you at the clinic. I wish I could have watched you drift off to sleep, to enter serenity. It is so clear right now, Brother coming home crying, no cheerio colored dog behind him. As soon as I realized you weren’t coming home (which was the second I saw Bro), I called the clinic and asked them if I could come to say goodbye. As soon as they said yes, I grabbed the keys and just took off…just like that, nothing holding me back. You were still warm, eyes open, nothing scared me. I talked to you and pet you just like I normally did…except I kissed your nose several times and used a tissue to wipe off your last eye crispy. I sang you Soft Kitty several times and I wouldn’t stop until I could sing the entire song without my voice quivering.

I’m not going to end this in apology because it would not make a difference and I am cherishing our 16 long years together. I should have spent more time with you on the weekends when I came home from the dorm, but you understand that I was tired. But I do hope it meant something to you when you laid out in the hallway today with me sitting next to you and petting you before Brother took you to the park and ultimately the vet. And hope you know that I loved you more than anything in the world (ok, it’s a tie between you and my teddy bear) and you mean so much to me and I miss you terribly. I am leaving out so many things and we have so many memories, but they are all in your heart and that is what is important. Also, I hope you appreciated that I came into your room this morning to sleep with you when you were locked in there alone after everyone else went to work. You were so restless and I felt so helpless. Even though Brother’s bed stunk, I was hoping you felt a little better knowing I was there for you. And remember what happened a few hours later? When he tried to feed you and you wouldn’t eat? I just ripped up the meat into small pieces and you lapped everything up! Had I known that was your last meal, I would have given you something else because you were eating the same thing for almost 4 days twice a day…..

Like I said, I’m leaving a lot out. The longer I sit here the more I want to type because I want tell the world how much I love you and how special you are. And like I said, the memories are in our hearts and it is all that matters. Babe, I love you, I miss you, I will always remember you…you will never be forgotten, you are the cutest ever. Rest in peace my cheerio, nui nui, sweetie pie, Gigi.

Love Always…Michelle <3
p.s. I never understood why you stopped playing with toys, but I never did try to understand your weird ways :)